I just watched Louis Theroux’s documentary Inside the Manosphere. Too many guys want to be “alpha males” which in turn means treating girls like shit. I generally stay away from “alphahole” stories, but it’s a whole dark romance lit subgenre too. Like you said, if there’s respect for boundaries we’re good. But it just feels like a lot of guys say one thing but then do the other.
This confuses me. I see myself as alpha, but to me this means my wife is under my protection, both physically and emotionally. Me being alpha means me trying to keep worries away from her. Improve her life by leading.
Her reaction to that is a submissive approach on our sexlife, which I love. The free use over her mouth and asshole are the epiphany of our dynamic.
The ogres stole from us the meaning of “alpha”. Just like @Backdoorlover’s wife, mine also loves being under my protection, both physically and emotionally. She sees herself as delicate and fragile, and suffers from anxiety. I am her protector and her anchor during the night, so she can sleep feeling safe and grounded.
Right, being emotionally and physically protective of your person when you’re communicating openly with them is a good thing. But that’s not what Andrew Tate-types and red pillers are talking about. They’ve co-opted the term “alpha male” and made it an explicitly misogynistic thing. It’s super gross.
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But the thing is, real alpha males don’t give a shit. Only beta males look up to Tate types of men
I don’t know exaclty how I see myself honestly, I’m not physically capable of defending anyone nor I have the necessary emotional framework to carry someone through (I’m not even capable of defending me from myself). Not that I like being a lazybones and let people do things for me (on the contrary, I feel even worse knowing people are doing the things I should/could). Maybe I’m ok as a reliable friend you can trust your secrets, but I’m definitely not someone you’d like having around near you for a long time (I only know of two people that are capable of withstanding me for long periods of time).
The term “alpha male” is a masculinist concept based on Rudolph Schenckel’s 1947 study of captive wolves. The study was applied to primates in 1982 by Franz de Waal.
In 1999, zoologist David Meech demonstrated the study’s lack of reliability because it was conducted in captivity. In the wild, a pack consists primarily of one male, one female, and their offspring, with an equal distribution of power.
And even among primates, the status of the dominant animal is more complex than the virile fantasies of dominance theory.
Is it impossible to support one’s partner, to create an equal bond of sharing and complementarity without resorting to patriarchal fantasies?
In practice. In 99.9% of cases, men who claim to be alpha in BDSM and sexuality do not question male status in society at all.
Showing support and empathy are values of love for me.
There are certainly people who want to be protected and who seek this dynamic.
Personally, I am not submissive and consider myself as a slut who enjoys being dominated within the context of sexual play.
In practice, doms and alphas just enjoy their hierarchical privilege of domination to get what the patriarchy sells them as dreams.
“Male alpha” is a red flag for me.
Cause I don’t need an alpha, beta, or sigma. I need a loyal human who’s comfortable with his vulnerability and understands his emotions—while fucking me like a slut.
That’s probably why I have a hard time finding my partner hahaah
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No, you’re a typical woman who knows what she wants and then not really 
Yes! Exactly, the entire “alpha male” stuff is complete nonsense, based on one badly flawed study that the author himself later admitted had no validity. I do an internal eye roll when I hear someone describe themselves as such or uses it as if it had any meaning. Red flag indeed.
The reality is that the breadth of experiences and variation of humankind make such simplistic categorizations meaningless.
In many ways I am aware that there are others in my social arena who have defined me as an alpha male - I have a 6 figure income, own a large home, own several vehicles, a boat, a variety of hunting and fishing equipment. I live in a rural area. Wild meat and fish make up a sizeable portion of my diet. I harvest firewood to heat my home. Spend significant time in the wilderness. I do all my own building and repairs of property. I ask no one for help for anything. However, I completely reject such a label. I’ve been married close to 40 years, read and sang to all my children, cook, clean and do laundry. Am engaged in supporting a variety of causes I believe in. Get to do work that improves the lives of people needing healthcare. Masculininity is not defined by a duality.
I’ve worked hard to undo the stupid “rules” abt being a man I learned growing up as a Gen X. It’s ok to talk about your feelings. I tell my wife and kids I love them every single day, no matter how old they are.
My wife likes to be submissive and taken in bed and I’m happy to do so. Outside of bed, we are absolute partners in all decision making, authority, etc. One of her strengths is finances so I’m quite happy to let her look after all the bills. Our trust in each other is unquestioned. I could certainly defend our family, and have, but so has my wife, we are a hell of a team.
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Thanks for that awesome alpha male reaction. 
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Thank you for sharing this. Not being afraid to show vulnerability is the greatest strength, regardless of gender.
Treating others as equals and not feeling the need to belittle them to feel secure would make this world a kinder place.
I agree with you that duality isn’t necessary. Binary thinking doesn’t make anyone happy.
Fortunately, there are people—including cis men—who are capable of distinguishing between play and reality. Because you can enjoy being sexually dominated without conforming to the stereotype of the fragile woman who needs a man to feel safe.
Life is well-designed because there are partners who seek out alpha males, and everyone is free to desire what they want.
I find a man who can understand and express his emotions so much sexier. It seems to me that this is the first step toward emotional stability.
It’s such a shame to categorize people hierarchically and denigrate everything that doesn’t fit into one’s own category.
It makes me think that anal sex—since that’s what brings us together here—is symbolically the gateway to sexual openness (no pun intended, ha ha), because regardless of gender or orientation, we can experience this delightful pleasure and know exactly what the other person is feeling.
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Thank you for saying that. I was feeling miserable when I saw all this discussion about alphas, betas, and sigmas, and retrograde ways of thinking. The thing is: my wife sees herself as a fragile person; since she was born prematurely, she create for herself this self-image of being small, underdeveloped, easily scared. Of course she is not! During the day we are equals, we share responsibilities, ideas, projects, household chores, financial matters; above all, we are a couple. But when she goes to bed, she wants coziness, affection, protection, security, and she is happy to find all of that in my arms. For us, it’s not about who dominates who, it’s not about owning. Her daily life is so stressful that I’m happy to carry her burden on my shoulders at night (or, in our specific case, on my penis). This is what I mistakenly called “alpha”. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
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I’m sorry if my comments made you feel bad.
I was just questioning the romanticization of the “alpha male” concept, which is a masculinist movement.
Thank you for sharing your experience with your wife here, and you’re right to point out all the nuances that exist in your relationship with her.
Life and living beings are much more complex than concepts. I always think it’s important to analyze these concepts that aim to reduce us.
And I think it’s important to highlight how the masculinist movement encourages brutal and sexist male behavior. For example, the current videos showing the reaction an alpha male should adopt when faced with a woman’s rejection: hitting her violently.
“Alpha male” has become a common term, and I just wanted to point out that it’s not a harmless concept.
And thank you again for sharing your values and explaining how sexual dominance has nothing to do with the desires of a single person or macho stereotypes 
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Wow I’m so sorry your introduction post has turned into a debate post about alpha/beta 
Female sex drive is as equal to male sex drive, which means women are equally as horny as men, including me, an anal only woman (AO for more than 5 years). I observe that female sex drive is mostly composed of being very selective, where a lot of women choose to stick with one partner, while male sex drive is composed of embracing various types of women aka most men being less picky and more accepting. I’m not trying to control your narrative, I want to add some thoughts that women are capable of being stimulated by physical attractive and sexual desires, which is natural and part of human nature, and there’s nothing wrong with expressing your sexual desires as a woman, which is why I’m bothered by the gender stereotypes of women=emotional, pure, wholesome who doesn’t want sex and men=filthy lust sexual monsters. Emotions are human and neutral, not gender stuff.
I can relate to your feelings about getting unsolicited messages and comments that makes your stomach feel uncomfortable, plus whenever I voice out my feelings and anger, I always get comments that sound like they’re trying to deny or control my narrative. That’s the hardest part of being a woman on anal only forum 
Can I ask if you are writing English without help? If so, I am very impressed.
Je parle Francaise assez bien mais j’ai du mal a ecriver.
As an older gent, I am genuinely embarrassed by the whole alpha male/manosphere nonsense.
It makes me embarrassed to be part of the male gender.
I hope that one day more men will value intelligence, kindness and empathy over macho foolishness.
I can see why it would be hard for a young woman to find a good man who also shares her particular kinks. I wish you luck with that
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If it helps people who use those terms to question them, it’s not such a big deal. But judging by the reactions, I doubt it, ha ha. It’s really hard for most men not to
put themselves at the center of everything or to feel personally attacked.
Yes, I agree with you—emotions don’t depend on gender, even if everything is built around that.
That said, I think the balanced reactions to this post are great. It helps ensure that the typical male perspective doesn’t dominate, especially when it comes to anal sex.
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Thanks for your kindness
Yes, I use a translator. I don’t feel super comfortable writing, even though, like you, I understand it. And I want to make sure it’s understandable, haha.
It’s great to be able to chat from different places. Thanks for offering a different perspective on these terms
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I think it’s totally wrong to stereotype on the basis of race, religion, gender, etc.
My greatest pleasure is giving my wife massive anal orgasms. Because her anal orgasms are such a turn on for me, I’m able to control myself long enough for her to have at least one, and many times two or more massive anal orgasms.
I’m sure there are some in those group who will argue my approach makes me a misogynistic, sexist pig because my pleasure is directly connected to her pleasure.
I’m 70 and I’m getting so tired of seeing people generalize and stereotype people because of immutable characteristics they have no control over.
So there you go… I’m just another sexist pig because my selfish pleasure is to first pleasure my wife. If that makes me a misogynist, I’ll wear the smear with pride. My wife would disagree with many of you based on her experience.
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If you don’t want to be categorized as a stereotype, you shouldn’t act like one.
Fortunately, there are approaches that deconstruct oppressive mechanisms within gender, race, class, and disability.
This helps bring the oppression we face to light.
I don’t understand why you’re talking here about pleasure and flaunting your performance, since I just responded above to the term “alpha male” and its masculinist implications.
Totally disagree. Stereotyping foments hate among people. It’s your right to hate as many people as you wish. My preference is to accept people as they are, irrespective of their race, color, or gender I don’t ascribe characteristics like alpha or beta male
Also, please point out where I “flaunted my performance”.
You’re free to stereotype people as you wish. I simply choose to accept people for who they are, with the understanding some among these many different groups will be assholes.
The hate in the world is growing, and the tendency to shove people in boxes simply fuels that hate. I get that some people are happier when hating others, but I choose to live the rest of my life not judging others.
I don’t think I “flaunted my performance” but welcome you to explain how you think I did. I’m guessing you peg me (no pun intended) as an alpha male.
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