Discussion: ‘Alpha Male’ Concept and Relationship Dynamics

Off Topic
21

I don’t understand why you felt the need to bring sex into this conversation. I know the forum is about anal sex, but we were discussing the origins of the alpha male concept here.

I don’t understand why you feel specifically targeted, since the conversation isn’t about you.

I accept that we disagree, and I don’t have a visceral need to be right or to be understood.

You’re free to interpret what I said however you like, but I don’t know you and I’m not judging you.

As I’ve said over and over, this is about the concept of the alpha male, its origins, and its excesses.

I’m choosing to conserve my energy and won’t respond to you anymore, as this discussion seems pointless to me.

But I wish you a good day and hope you stop taking it personally when someone doesn’t share your point of view.

22

I’ve moved these posts here to keep the original introduction thread focused.

Please keep the discussion respectful and focused on sharing perspectives without broad generalizations about groups. It’s fine to disagree, but avoid turning it into personal back-and-forth.

23

Thank you. We don’t need tribalism in this group. I see our group as a refuge from the division in the world, and a place where people have a common interest.

Discussions in this group about religion, politics, gender, sexual preference are all outside the core purpose of this group.

Invoking subjects outside the core purpose will make this group no different than the sewers of dialogue including Facebook, Reddit, X, etc.

24

Well you’re the one perpetuating gender essentialist stereotypes. There is no such thing a female purity and stereotyping women as more emotional and sentimental people than men is a reformed version of sexism. A lot of men are openly honest and horny about their sexuality and that’s why a lot of people hate them so much, so it baffles me when a lot of women tries to paint female sexuality as more pure and wholesome because only icky men like sex and naughty stuffs. As an anal only woman who’s unashamed and unfiltered about being sexually attracted to men and being an anal only enthusiast, I guarantee you that women are more than just deep emotional virginal people, and women craving sex, having horny thoughts, and sexual preferences does not make them lesser of a woman. And sexuality is an integral part of human races. I get that you’re frustrated with men who don’t have good intentions and so am I, but generalizing and perpetuating the stereotypes and lumping people into boxes does not do any benefits, despite you opposing stereotypes, a total hypocrite behavior coming from you.

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25

I feel like I should say sorry, I used the term “alpha male” and did not mean to kick up such a storm. I wasn’t sure what to say after because I had trouble understanding some of the points people were making.

So I guess I’ll say this: I’ve talked to guys that were not kind to me because I’m a woman. And this unkindness was directly tied to what they described as their “alpha” nature. For example, one guy told me that he would “give me a slap” if I were his girlfriend, because he doesn’t allow his girl to talk to him like that. Here, he tied his justification for abuse to being an alpha, and to maintaining dominance in his relationships.

Now, I don’t know if this means all people who view themselves as alpha males would be unkind to me, or hit their girlfriends. But I do think it’s worth it for people to know that some people who self-identify as alphas think this is what it means to be an alpha. And I also want people to know that if I’m wary when they call themselves alphas, it’s because of experiences I’ve had like this.

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26

I understand you, but to me alfa has a whole different meaning.

It originated from a wolf pack. The alfa was the one keeping things in check (doesn’t matter now if this is correct or not, I’m trying to get my view across), the alfa was the leader that walked ahead and faced danger first. To protect the pack and give them uppertunity to run if necessary.

It’s that which I identified with. Nothing to do with dominance cause I’ve never been truly dominant. Even been married to very dominant women and I could always find a way to live in harmony with them.

Now that I am with a woman who rarely shows dominance, I noticed my “alpha” behavior got stronger. For the first time I had a woman in my life who was always eager to be sexually used by me. This was a huge difference with the exes who often turned sex into a powerplay.

My wife now has never said no to sex. Not once. I can simply say “bent over, I want to assfuck you” and she bents over with a fantastic smile on her pretty face. Or I walk up to her with a hardon and her mouth opens to suck it before I even reach her. I’ve never had this with my exes. Sex back then could be difficult and feel like an agreement.

I am a different man with this woman. For her I feel the natural urge to protect her. She’s the most feminine woman I’ve ever had in my life. She hates feminists and wants a more traditional relationship in which she submits herself to me. I had to get used to this, but it works. Because it needs trust to work.

27

In a marriage like yours, leadership and protection are the currency that buys total trust. Because you shoulder the burden of “real world” stress, her mind is free to shut off, allowing her body to become completely receptive.

The “free use” of her mouth and anus is the highest reward for your role as an Alpha. It’s a biological trade-off: you provide the security, and she provides the ultimate surrender. It’s not just sex; it’s proof that your leadership is working. You protect her life, so she gives you her rawest self without hesitation. It’s clean, functional, and deeply satisfying.

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28

Thank you, I was also under the impression she was being very anti men in her replies while being the only one who came over a bit toxic.

Since she’s French, it can simply be part of their natural bluntness, to be honest. Maybe she didn’t even meant to come over that way. But her replies kept lacking some nuance. Translating from French to English maybe the cause of that.

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29

As I mentioned earlier, I was discussing the concept of the alpha male as it relates to masculinists. More specifically, I was addressing the abuse that stems from it.

Not seeing the violence that exists and that I have experienced does not negate the fact that it exists. I can understand that you don’t see yourselves in these words because, as men, you haven’t had the same experiences and this isn’t what you experience in your relationships.

Where I see a problem is in the attempt to downplay my experience—which, unfortunately, is not an exception—and to center the debate around you, @colt1911 and @backdoorlover. Because, once again, I’m not talking about you, but about what I’ve experienced with alpha mâle.

For example, being choked so hard I thought I was going to die—without my consent—or a guy who took off the condom so he could ejaculate in my ass without asking me or telling me. That’s what I’m talking about.

Telling me I’m anti-men is the first sexist argument that comes up when a woman dares to say that men perpetuate violence against women. Maybe being outraged by this violence would have been more humane and constructive.

Once again, I’ve never judged your respective relationships because I believe that each person builds the relationship that suits them best. Sexuality is an intimate matter and cannot be molded into a single mold. Fortunately, and I believe this is what brings us together here, is our love for anal sex—a practice that is too often disparaged and marginalized.

Also, @analonlycutie, I’m really confused by what you’re attributing to me as
comments about women. I’ve never said that women are more emotional or have less sexual desire than men, because that’s simply not something I believe.

My sexuality as a woman is actually the complete opposite of that sexist stereotype: I own my desires, I have multiple partners, I love gang bangs and organize them without a man’s help, I’m what you’d call a slut and proud of it because it’s a free-spirited strength that still scares some people. I have boundaries and I know how to set them. And despite all that, I’ve had to deal with jerks who thought that calling themselves “alpha” gave them all the power.

Fortunately, that hasn’t stopped me from having some wonderful encounters. And in fact, a few weeks ago I met a man who proves all those fake, suffering “dominants” wrong—I’ve started a very fulfilling anal-only relationship with him, which will be the subject of my next post.

I have nothing against you, and I’d like to maintain a harmonious relationship with you—please don’t gang up on me if our views differ or make you uncomfortable. Especially when it comes to sexual violence against women. As a man who loves to protect your partners, I think you can easily understand this.

I can’t wait to share this new relationship with you and the incredibly exciting things I’m experiencing. Have a great weekend!

30

So the term “alpha” has a very negative meaning to you, but what you discribe isn’t how I experience “alpha” behavior. You’re discribing dominant jerks who missuse the term “alpha” to disguise that they’re Simply assholes.

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31

I do not support any form of violence against women, so don’t twist my words. You said that men only think about sex as if liking sexy stuffs is exclusively a male thing, hence the reason why I question your gender essentialist rhetoric and remind you that women can be into filthy kinks. Like I said, dominance is not a gender stuff. Men are allowed to like sex and so are women too! Sorry if this burst your bubbles because I told you to stop being sexist. Being sexist and hateful to men is no better than being sexist and hateful to women. Leave and quit the forum if you’re gonna spread hatred by spouting more anti-men bullshit

32

I never said that—I was talking about those who claim to be alphas in order to abuse women. If you could help me understand by pointing out what led you to think that, it would be helpful.

I don’t think asking me to leave the forum because I spoke about this kind of violence is appropriate. I sense a form of violent gaslighting in your words, and that makes me sad. I value my energy and my well-being, so I won’t respond any further because I can see that the conversation has reached a dead end. Have a good weekend.

33

Yes, that’s exactly it :slight_smile: I was primarily talking about my own experience and how masculinists have encouraged this attitude that I’ve encountered.

I never criticized your personal relationships, which seem to be based on a different dynamic.

And above all, I wasn’t talking about romantic relationships but rather about the sexual encounters I’ve had with one-night stands.

Basically, I was responding to Jena, who was talking about the masculinist documentary on alphas. I can understand why you felt attacked since you identify with the term “alpha,” but I really wasn’t talking about you.

And I admit that I found it hurtful to be told I’m anti-men just because I pointed out the violence I experienced. That said, I understand that you may have felt hurt reading about my experience with alphas, and once again, I’m sorry for that because I wasn’t talking about you.

I hope I’ve made myself clearer :slight_smile:

34

@AnalOnlyCutie please don’t tell other members to leave the forum because you don’t agree with them. @Frenchbbwanal is doing her best to explain herself here.

35

My sole objection is to stereotyping individuals and then forcing them into a box. Humans are complex individuals not limited to a particular label. Please read the AI definition of Alpha male. No where does it mention hitting or choking women. I don’t consider myself as anything other than a happily married man but the alpha definition describes me well.

https://share.google/aimode/ayrlYgTWFlwcTqfkC

I do have labels for men who choke women without permission or engage in rough sex without consent… “ass hole”, “rapist”, “criminal”.

Can you point me to where it says that men who choke their partners are alpha males or that all alpha males engage in abusive behavior to their women?

I just don’t like labels. If someone treats you with disrespect, it doesn’t mean they are in any way similar to other men who consider themselves alpha males using the AI definition.

I’m not looking for a fight or a reason for you to leave the group, but if you expect us to agree carte blanche with your opinion that all alpha males are bad, I will not cave just to keep you from being upset.

in the interest of equality, do you have “boxes” or “labels” for different types of women or are they all monolithic?

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36

“I’m starting to gain some experience, and I’m here to express my love for anal play. What’s exhausting is the reaction I get in return: either men act like cowboys and spout stupid things that reveal a lack of experience (especially regarding safety and health), or they only think about anal sex.”

I think the last sentence is what throws me off, so I apologize for approaching you with hostile manner and telling you to quit the forum. So now that I reread your introduction forum and seen your responses about frustrations about how the anal forums is dominated by mostly men, you made a point and I agree with what you said. It’s also important to highlight anal enthusiastic women’s pleasure and experiences. I think both men and women do still don’t know much about anal sex education, especially if they still hold the stigma against anal due to the misconceptions, lack of preparation and bad experiences. But it’s important to practice sexual health in regards of anal, and I do understand men getting excited about anal because anal is hot, and so am I getting excited thinking about anal, too. Baby steps, taking things slowly and always stop immediately if you experience any discomfort should be the key along with communication and clean hygiene.

I appreciate if you refrain from putting people into boxes as it encourages people to generalize another group and hold a bigoted beliefs. Again, I’d regret what I said to you and I apologize for telling you to leave the forum. :woman_bowing:t2:

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37

I can’t seem to access your link :frowning:

I understand not wanting to be pigeonholed—we totally agree on that. Maybe we just differ on the nuances.

What I mean is that I needed to know I wasn’t alone in experiencing or feeling certain things. Whether it was when I realized I was also attracted to girls and all other genders—both romantically and sexually—or when I’d experienced certain forms of abuse, or when it came to kinks or sexuality in a broader sense.

I think these categorizations are useful in helping us accept ourselves and not feel alone, or simply to better understand what we like. I imagine it’s the same for you with this “alpha” term you identify with.

When we don’t fit the norms, we need to know that others don’t either. And it’s in this sense, too, that I think analyzing power dynamics based on the category we belong to is useful for understanding the mechanisms of inequality.

I don’t reserve this just for men—ha ha—I’m capable of being critical of women or other genders as well. Feminism is vast, and within it there are currents that don’t value at all the type of woman and sexuality that define me.

The variety of categories also shows that it’s impossible to pigeonhole us into a single box, because we are so much more than a word or a category.

Aside from my own experience with the alpha movement, there’s currently a dangerous trend that the documentary @jennanymph mentioned discusses—maybe watching it could help you understand what she’s talking about.

There’s a whole alpha movement with alpha influencers that, in my opinion, isn’t doing women or men any favors. Andrew Tate, one of the most well-known figures, has even founded a sort of academy to train alphas. I’m not going to talk about his view of women, but rather about what he wants to impose as the alpha model for being superior men.

You have to be muscular, never show your weaknesses, reject emotions, constantly demonstrate strength, not need help, be a powerful sexual performer, have money, and possess outward signs of wealth, etc.

What kind of man could possibly fit all that? Regardless of gender, to me, it’s not human.

And what’s most despicable to me is that he takes advantage of the distress of certain single men to extract money from them by offering training programs.

And that’s the case with all these influencers.

It’s a problem affecting 18- to 45-year-olds, and maybe this generational reality is less familiar to you (and I’m not saying you’re old—as if that were an insult, you know).

Maybe this reality will help you better understand why the term “alpha” is always a bit of a sensitive topic for me and others.

And I also find it interesting that other alphas like you are aware of this other reality. It would be so great to speak out with them because these are real dangers.

Just like in feminism, where there’s a faction that’s anti-sex, anti-equality, and so on. It’s the same in every movement, whether it’s queer, anti-racist, and so on.

There has been a lot of conflict within the feminist and queer movements, and it continues.

For me, the danger is when a group wants to impose its vision as the one and only legitimate one.

You even see these guys who abuse women while claiming to be alphas—that reflects, above all, a deep sense of unease. It’s important not to dehumanize the other person despite the horrors they may commit. Well, that’s my ethic :slight_smile:

38

@Frenchbbwanal this is what the link said about alpha male:

“An alpha male is generally characterized as a confident, assertive, and natural leader who takes responsibility and acts with purpose. Key traits include high emotional intelligence, resilience, decisiveness, and a focus on protecting and providing for loved ones. True alphas are often quietly assured, focusing on self-improvement rather than boastful domination.”

And this is my way of seeing it. I agree on the Tate thing. He is just a loser who found a loophole to get fame. But there are women like him too. Telling other women to use sex in return for financial benefits. What are women like that called ?

39

I get it—there are words that trigger certain things in us :slight_smile: Don’t be hard on yourself, because I’m not holding it against you. And thank you, at any rate, for acknowledging that.

I’ve also read other posts where you talked about how you’ve felt because of your love for anal sex, and that saddens me deeply. It’s awful to make someone feel ashamed of what they love (as long as it’s legal and consensual).

And I can only agree with you that I love that there are men who are as turned on by anal sex as I am, because I can enjoy it—otherwise it would be way too frustrating. It’s like with everything: there are safer and more humane ways of doing things.

Yes, I also think it’s important to make space for women who enjoy anal sex. In fact, seeing that there were women on this forum is what made me want to join you all.

Even though there’s been progress, it’s still not really accepted for a woman to own up to her desires, and even less so when it comes to anal—even in libertine sexual encounters. Which makes no sense to me, ha ha ha

In any case, I’m glad we managed to resolve this tension and that everything’s settled down :slight_smile:

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40

Now that everything settled down, as mods we choose to lock this topic. Let’s talk about fun stuff, like anal sex :wink: