I am not who you were asking, “butt”… allow me to explain.
I am a man. I like to get fucked in the ass with toys and hand (fist, arm almost to the elbow). My will wife “accommodate” my desire if ask (beg). The toys I like the most are too large / heavy for her to handle easily, so when she does something for me, it is the fisting, even though that is very physical also. Thus, these days, 98% of the time, whatever gets done I have to do for myself.
These acts do not “do” anything for her, in fact just the opposite, but she intellectually understands it is important to me and that it is deeply part of who I am. For various unrelated reasons, other than me using a toy vaginally on her when she is in the mood – which she greatly enjoys despite herself – those are about the only sexual activities we have these days. NOT ideal.
Finally, to your question… When she is fisting me, sometimes I am facing her and sometimes I am facing away. I much prefer facing her, especially because I would very much like to have eye contact and thus a much closer connection during those activities times. Unfortunately, she is not comfortable / happy about what she is doing to/for/with me, thus she does not want to make eye contact. She does not comprehend how enjoyable it is for me what she is doing to/for/with me. However, without her actually wanting to be doing it, it is definitely not as enjoyable for me as it could be, thus I don’t ask for it very often. (She and I have talked about all this extensively. Because of her upbringing, etc., she does not really understand the concept of “for me to fully enjoy an experience, I need her to want to be doing it”. And that her attitude of “you asked me to do it so I am doing it” is not enough to be a joyful and intimate experience for me. It is more sad than anything else. I am myself very uncomfortable with her doing things that she does not really want to do. I am not the kind of person who would intentionally want to put somebody in that position – at the same time, my needs/desires then mostly go unmet. So, since the golden rule of relationships is “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” my needs/desires mostly go unmet.)
… However, I feel absolutely NO sense of humiliation at being penetrated in this way. If she actually did enjoy doing these activities to/for/with me, it would be fabulously joyful and intimate for me. I can’t imagine feeling humiliated by receiving a “gift” that I so much want to receive.
My advice is…
- We should each freely enjoy whatever we enjoy.
- We should let go of any thoughts of “should” or “should not”. Such thoughts may have been appropriate when growing up, but now that we are grown-ups, we can decide “should” and “should not” for ourselves.
- We are each in charge of ourselves. Nobody else owns us or is in charge of us. What we want is what we want. What we feel is what we feel. However, we each are capable of, and responsible for, deciding what we will do about those feelings.
- If we need/desire something, and we are not getting it, we should not hesitate to ask for it. That does not mean that we will receive what we ask for or that (as in my case) we will receive it in the way we need/desire to receive it. Only after that point in the process is it time to be concerned about “what do to about” not getting what we need/desire. We should not waste a micro-second worrying about stuff until after we have asked and know the outcome of having asked.