I have had something special which happened to me. To explain it, I need to take the reader with me till many years ago. My first marriage with the mother of my kids.
She was sexually okay, but anal wouldn’t really work, dispite her claim she wanted it. Her body didn’t seem to agree with what she said. So I missed out on the kind of sex I really craved for. Anal and ass to mouth.
Because I am the kind of man who doesn’t abandon the mother of his kids over sex, I created a fantasy life in which she did all I needed and loved it. I masturbated multiple times a week, imagining her doing anal and ass to mouth with me and loving it. My masturbation sessions often where more intense then our actual vaginal sex sessions.
For more then two decades, this was how I got by with the absence of good anal sex.
Fast forward to present day. I have a beautiful, sexy woman in my life who does anal every day, loves to suck my cock whenever I need it and combines the two in supurb ass to mouth sessions almost everytime we have sex.
This caused a dramatic shift in my need for masturbation. Meaning I almost never do it anymore, and what’s more. If I masturbate it feels like 1/10th of what I feel when we have sex as a couple. I masturbate every now and then. And afterwards feel like “now this was a waste of time”
Can anyone relate to this ? Of it it typical how I’m wired ?
I stopped masturbating not long after I met my husband. at first it was his order, and it’s very hard to keep because we didn’t see each other very often. but after we live together, I don’t think I need it. I’m perfectly satisfied.
Probably because your sexual needs are already met: you have sex almost every day and you do anal and ATM (your fantasies), so your body doesn’t find masturbation as fulfilling.
Unlike me that my sexual desires are not met (still virgin), and even after 134 days of abstinence, I still feel the urge to masturbate (I had like 2 wet dreams in less than 2 weeks).
Masturbation is the manual valve for our bodies to release sexual tension, and wet dreams are the automatic and shameful way.
I’d say it depends.
For some people, masturbation is an integral part of their sexuality, sometimes even integrated into partnered play.
But I totally know that feeling of “wow, I just wasted time” after jerking off. “I would have had much more fun doing this with my gf”, is also a common thought.
There are also my sessions where I play with my own butt, those’re a different beast, and never feel wasted.
I mean, maybe because I consider any sexual-related behaviour (excluding reproduction) as kind of a “luxury” or just “another thing that some humans do”.
Human needs usually make sense for me: if you don’t eat, you die. If you don’t drink, you die. If you don’t sleep, you go insane. If you don’t socialize, you go insane. And so on.
So, when I saw sex listed as a need for humans in the Maslow’s Pyramid during that finances class, I was surprised. The teacher and the class had a little laugh and we just moved on.
In none of the talks we had about sexual health we were actually told about the importance of sexual behavior itself, just about the importance of being careful.
So I don’t get what sexual need deprivation causes.
Okay, a quick run down.
Evolution is a tinkerer, not an architect.
Random mutations that produce more offspring stay in the gene pool. They can be anything: Long tails that make you easier prey like in peacocks or bigger brains in humans: If it means you make more babies, it stays.
Humans aren’t hardwired to fertilize eggs like some fish are. We basically got 24/7 hornyness for any kind of what’s sexy to us.
Why?
Cause it obviously worked. The ape that was like that made more babies, passing this hornyness on, and they made more babies etc…
Also, we’re social animals. We need others of our kind, we need to communicate (which is why solitary confinement is torture). Much of sexuality is also validation that we’re awesome for others of our kind. Loved.
different people may feel different level of urge for sex, and it could very strong. having no sex won’t kill but it can drive me crazy. I couldn’t understand how you can be abstinence for 4 months. I guess my longest records would just be one month or something, and it’s very rare.
I couldn’t remember any dreams, so not sure how often I would have sex in dreams.
I don’t usually have many sex dreams (although with my libido as high as now, I may have them more regularly than ever). And out of them, 90% are not pleasant at all: they just show me how depraved my mind is and why I shouldn’t get a parter in the first place.
I would say, for the past months I can’t recall having a “pleasant dream” at all, just “interesring” ones.
I’ll say it again, I recommend you talk to a counselor or therapist about your issues with your own sexuality.
It seems you have a lot of negativity and shame to unpack.
I feel more urge to masturbate than ever. 3 years ago I stsrted trying to quit porn, and I was without a partner.
It felt impossible, at least I couldn’t make it.
I still can’t stop masturbating, and my girlfriend doesn’t meet my sex needs. She seems (almost) asexual in comparison to me. So I struggle a lot! Wish I didn’t need/use porn/ masturbate at all…
Sounds like you’ve had similar experience as me.
Well, I’ve been ashamed a lot. Really deep, dark hatred to my self. Mostly for having this fetish, and exploring some “dark” porn which had me really aroused.
I talked a bit to a sex therapist couple o times, and it helped me. I would recommend talking to a man. (for you’re a man, right?)
I talked to two of my must trusted friends (female), but it would be harder for me to talk to a man because I don’t know how my friends would take it:
They are either insane or I feel like they are too innocent.
I couldn’t understand why people would even try to “quit porn” or “stop masturbate” when not sexually satisfied. they are very good ways to fulfill sex needs.
I have strong libido, I’m very into kinky things. but I’m not ashamed of it. instead I enjoy my body and fetish very much. I know people may see me differently if they know my secret, so I won’t call out on street. but privately, I’m proud of myself, I can do a lot of things normal people cannot.
I guess, instead of controlling your desire, just live with it. it’s not wrong.
Depending on how and how much you masturbate, it can lead to problems with partnered sex, most commonly being unable to orgasm (for women, it’s often because of overuse of vibrators, for men the death grip). It was quite frustrating back in the day with my first sexual partner cause she just couldn’t make me cum.
But yeah. if masturbation doesn’t interfere with your life / work / love life, there’s nothing wrong with it at all.
There you mention something. How masturbation can cause faklure to cum when having sex.
Back in the days it even ruined my will to have sex, because sex was pussy and masturbation was (imaginairy) ass to mouth.
But now, the rare moments I do masturbate, it has a whole new effect on me… I want to use her asshole and fuck her. Masturbation doesn’t satisfy me at all anymore. It’s more like licking the candy while you want to eat it.
Given a choice, the real thing beats masturbation. When we watch porn together, it’s always amateur anal porn now. The professional stuff is overproduced and overacted. When I masturbate, it’s always to amateur anal content. The reactions, pleasure, and orgasms are more real. There is nothing wrong with masturbation, but when it interferes with real sexual encounters, it can be a problem. Tug away! Or wank away for my friends on the other side of the pond.
Let’s not forget the ladies who shall polish the pearl or, err, explore the grotto?
Aaaaand what about gender nonconforming peopel? Let’s all get off to our hearts’ content!
