One thing that bothers me, though, is the way she ties her love of anal sex to her past trauma and daddy issues. Almost like the only people who could enjoy having things put in their butts are wounded or broken in some way. Is this a prevalent view? It’s an old book, so maybe people used to view anal that way in 2004.
I don’t like classical music, I’m crazy about classical music. It’s the reason I live. Friends and acquaintances who don’t share the same taste usually see me as a weirdo, and movies and books don’t help either, as they portray classical music lovers as psychos (Hannibal Lecter), abusive husbands (Sleeping with the Enemy), ultra-violent delinquents (Clockwork Orange) or real crazy (Shine). As if the only people who could enjoy classical music were all bad or broken guys.
I think it is possible that a traumatic past, for example sexual abuse, can lead to the love for anal. This only if there was no anal abuse.
My theory is that her mouth and pussy are usual the parts that endured the abuse. So later in life, chosing to have anal sex is the way to have sex with the only part that didn’t got abused. Therefor it’s easier for her to fully go into the joy.
Don’t quote me on this, but I simply see a logic in this.
Interesting theory. In Bentley’s case, it’s not sexual abuse. But it does seem to be (she says) a symptom of her father not loving her enough and punishing her too much. She writes, “Being sodomized now, by choice, reconciles this injury with a scenario of the dominant male and the obedient little girl. Instead of rejection, I am too ‘Good girl, good girl.’ The nastier I am and the better I suck his cock, the better I am, until I’m the goodest little girl in the world. I am finally loved. The relief it brings me is profound.”
I think this is part of the ‘surrender’ the book is named after. It’s really making me questioning on my own relationship with my dad now. One difference between me and the author is that I’ve only had anal sex once (yes it finally happened over Thanksgiving break!!!) but I definitely still enjoy anal play, and find myself wondering if I’m unknowingly exploring the same ground as her.
