✉ Private Messages are now available

[aol]

We have introduced a new private messaging system on the forum.

This is a custom feature developed specifically for our community, as we could not find an existing solution that matched what we wanted to achieve.

The goal is simple. We want people to be able to chat privately if they want to, while also keeping the forum a place where everyone can discuss sensitive topics without worrying about receiving unwanted private messages.

Unlike most forums, private messaging here works on mutual consent.

How it works

To start a private conversation, both users must independently enable private conversation with each other.

You can do this from another user’s profile or user card.

Enabling private conversation:

• does not send the other user any notification,

• does not create a conversation,

• does not tell the other user that you enabled it.

Once both users have enabled private conversation with each other, the normal Message button will appear and you can chat just like with standard forum private messages.

You can disable private conversation again at any time from the same place.

The mutual permission system also applies to individual moderators. For site issues, please use the Meta/Site Feedback category or message the moderators group.

Why is it designed this way?

This forum discusses intimate and sexual topics. Unfortunately, communities like this often attract people who create an account only to privately message others.

We want this forum to be a place where everyone can participate in discussions without receiving unsolicited private messages from strangers. We know many members, especially women, simply want to take part in discussions without feeling like opening an account also means inviting private messages.

This system allows private conversations between people who both want them, while making unsolicited first contact impossible.

Testing phase

This is the first version of the feature and we consider it a testing phase. We may improve or adjust the system based on your feedback and how it works in practice.

If you notice any bugs, unexpected behaviour, or simply have suggestions or questions, please post them in this topic.

If you do not immediately see the new controls after the update, try refreshing the page once, as your browser may still have cached the previous version of the forum.

[Sin_Girl]

Thank you very much!!! It will benefit most of us!

[AnalLover]

Congratulations. You have found and implemented an innovative solution for this feature.

Just curious: Are you a coder or did you find an extension you could leverage or did you use AI to figure out how to create your own extension? I am not a “real” coder myself (though I have 40+ years of sysadmin experience), but I have recently been really impressed at how well Google AI has helped me solve a wide range of coding challenges that I could not otherwise have handled.

I have one additional thought/suggestion (but I am not sure how much work it would be to implement in the code): If I had the opportunity to do so, I would choose to select a setting in MY own profile to “enable private messaging to me from any user”.

Of course, thinking ahead, that would probably also require a feature that would allow a user, who has that setting enabled, to have an “except/block users” list. Otherwise, there would be no way for such a user to block a stalker. (I hate to even think that would be a concern, but…)

Just my opinion. Regardless I applaud you and all the admins for the great work you are doing. You are appreciated!

[aol]

It is something very new, so it might be a little confusing at first, but it is all designed that way for a reason.

The idea of having a setting like “Allow private messages from anyone” came up too, but I decided against it because it would go against the whole purpose of this system. It would once again allow newly registered users to send unsolicited messages to everyone who had that option enabled. As you pointed out, we would then also need a block list or exception list. At that point, though, we would essentially be recreating the same concept from the opposite direction. The current system is effectively a whitelist, where you decide exactly who can message you.

So if you’re someone who is more open to private conversations, just enable PMs for anyone you’d like. There is no limit to how many users you can allow. You can do it quickly from the user card that opens when you click on someone’s username anywhere on the forum.

We’ll see how the feature works in practice, and if we find ways to make it more intuitive without compromising its purpose, I’m definitely open to improving it.

[aol]

Update: Contacting the moderation team

It is now possible for any user to send a private message directly to the Moderators group. This gives everyone a private way to report forum issues, ask for moderator assistance, or discuss anything that shouldn’t be posted publicly.

To do so, go to My messages and click New Message, then select Moderators as the recipient. Alternatively, you can click the “moderators” link in the notification in message composer (it will pre-fill the recipient for you).

The mutual permission system for private messages between individual users remains unchanged. The new option simply provides a dedicated way to contact the moderation team when needed.

As always, if your question or suggestion isn’t private, we encourage you to post it in the Meta/Site Feedback category instead, so others can join the discussion and benefit from it as well.