How does one contact a member through a private message? I want to continue a conversation “offline”.
It looks like I simply click on the member’s ID in a post and message, but I don’t know if that will send to the entire group.
When you click on the Message button on user’s profile it should send the message only to the user.
There is no message button?
I still can’t find a way to speak in private.
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Click on the circle with the first letter of the member’s name. I’m a tech challenged boomer and don’t know what to call that widget.
Anyway, when you click on that thingy, you will see a pop up with the picture of an envelope and “Message” in a blue bar. It works for me.
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I dont have this option available, can the mods contact me about this please.
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Due to issues with private messages, it’s currently only mods that can DM.
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There are a lot of women registering on this forum. So it needs to be a safe place, friendly to everyone. We were told that you were more active sending out private messages, then participating on the forum.
So, from mod level we took away your ability to private message cause that, as stated in the rules, is not why we’ve created this forum. You’re not here to hook up. You’re here to share things about the lifestyle.
After your case we’ve also decided to wait untill new member get private message possibilities.
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A private message to me would have been the way to respond to this! but since you haven’t i would just like to clarify that i have absolutely have not been trying to hook up with people on the forum! i do not participate massively in the regular discussions as it always becomes very clicky! And most suggestions and words of advice seem to always have to come from mods, most are well informed so i haven’t felt the need to comment on every single post. I would have liked to have Pm`d my reply to this but i am unable to contact you for the following reasons. I understand why the pm privileges have been put in place and i fully agree. but i feel this is fully unjustified to be treated like this for lack of participation and talking to a select few friends in pm only all of which i have never asked to meet or approach in the way you were insinuating.
I was under the impression you were told through private message cause that’s how it came to the staff part of the forum.
I’m a mod too. So that’ why this post you flagged ended up with the mod who wrote it. Me.
I am all for transparency. So I’d rather discuss these matters publicly.
Do you deny that you were sending private messages to women on this forum ?
Hi Brad,
Thanks for your post — I appreciate you taking the time to explain your point of view.
That said, I want to be very clear, for everyone’s benefit:
This forum was intentionally designed to be about public conversation, shared experiences, and community learning— not private chats or one-on-one messaging.
We absolutely do not want the public discussions here to feel “cliquey” or exclusive — quite the opposite.
Our goal is to build an open, welcoming space where all voices are encouraged and heard.
Of course, like anywhere, it takes participation and good faith from everyone to help build that atmosphere.
Regarding private messaging:
Private messaging is limited on purpose. It’s not something people “earn” automatically by being here — it’s a trust privilege for those who engage positively and contribute to the community spirit. Private conversations are secondary here, not the focus.
Just to clarify further:
The content or intentions behind private messages are not the main concern.
Whether someone sends advice, holiday wishes, or something inappropriate, the simple fact remains:
The primary goal of this forum is open, public sharing — not private outreach.
Our structure is built to support and protect that.
Also, just to be clear:
The adjustment to private messaging access was a forum-wide change made to protect the community as a whole — not a personal punishment against any individual.
It became clear that allowing immediate PM access created problems we are determined to avoid.
This setting now applies to everyone equally moving forward.
If someone feels that the format or the open nature of the forum isn’t the right fit for them, that’s understandable — but the structure and purpose of this forum are set and will not change.
This space will always prioritize open sharing, public dialogue, safety, and inclusivity over private messaging.
We hope everyone who chooses to stay with us embraces that spirit.
We welcome everyone’s participation in good faith, and there’s always room for anyone willing to contribute in the way this forum was intended.
Thanks for understanding.
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FYI no i wasn’t contacted or told by anyone through a private message.
You are labelled “community member” but maybe your sheriffs badge hasn’t arrived in the post yet? I strongly feel you should not be a moderator as your social skills and tone in general do not come across well.
I am for transparency also but allegations such of these and being victimised on a public forum is not cool. Do you not think that contacting me as the MOD you are that this could have been cleared up with out you insinuating I’m some kind predator? You do realise now why i do not contribute in many discussions? You overwhelm most topics and don’t give others the chance my advice to you is maybe turn it down a notch.
No i do not deny i message Men and women through pm occasionally all of who i consider friends on this forum all are long term members. All of whom i have had deep and meaningful conversations with about all aspects of life and they have helped me learn so much and understand thing i never did prior to joining the community.
Weird that you feel attacked by me while this dicision, like AOL explained, has been a staff decision.
That I am overly pressent doesn’t keep anyone from posting. So your complaints about that are a bit childish. I don’t know you, I’ve never had contact with you. There was a chat amoungst mods that you asked why your PM button was gone.
Read the text AOL wrote, again. The setup changed because we knew that people with close to zero post counts, yet complaining, would most likely be the ones messaging a lot. Staff decision. Sorry if you feel singled out. We have already deleted profiles too, to keep this forum trouble free. If you don’t understand the nesseccity, too bad.
Like you may have read, to encourage open discussions we took away the PM button for all new members.
As the mod group, we see no reason why any topic needs to move to private when you’re freshly registered on the forum. Anything can be discussed publicly here. It’s anonymous, no one judges, and others could learn from openly discussed topics.
It’s the whole reason a forum exists. On the old forum there maybe were more private conversations, I’ve got no idea. But here the mod group holds it’s own value’s. Seeing the forum thrive, seeing women participate in discussions, seeing broader topics being talked about. I see it works.
So if you want to talk to someone, do it in one of their topics or tag them by typing @ and a list of names appear.
Hi @brad24uk1!
You already read the post by @aol so you understand our reasons. I understand your frustration as you’ve been asking about PMs before and not getting a full answer.
When you asked, the discussion of these matters (privately among the mod team) was still in full swing; we hadn’t made up our minds yet as what to do exactly. Once we had, we should have communicated it directly and openly, as a kind of site-wide announcement, and maybe also asked for feedback. Live and learn, I guess, we’ll take what we’ve learned from this into our next discussions.
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I asked about private messages because sometimes I see a content here and there about transsexual women/femboy and anal sex with us, but I know some men are still shy or uncomfortable to discuss this topic openly.
That’s why I think it might be useful in a few cases to be able to DM these men directly to discuss these matters. But I agree that publicly is more adequate than privately in a forum.
@cdbottom well a few members have messaged me about such subjects and I always felt they could have just asked me on topic.
It’s not me being shy, it’s them wanting to hide their personal views. Why ? This forum is anonymous, questions don’t harm anyone.
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Agree with you. 
Thanks.