My personal experience in AOL

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Hello everyone! This is a small update to my process of embracing the anal-only lifestyle.

According to my progress journal, the last time I ejaculated was on March 29 of this year. It was the last time Belle and I had intercourse. From the next day onwards, Belle encouraged me and helped me begin the process of feminization and giving up orgasms through penile stimulation. She set realistic goals for me during the process and was very serious about getting me to meet them.

The most obvious goal was to give up ejaculating forever, at least in the traditional way (i.e., by directly stimulating the penis). The idea was that I would start from day one to wear a chastity belt that would prevent both erections and the temptation to masturbate. However, he granted me a grace period “in freedom,” and we decided instead to focus on getting me used to having sex only through sodomization.

To promote anal penetration, Belle suggested that I start wearing a butt plug daily. He chose for me one of what he assured me was “medium size” (8.20 cm long x 3.4 cm in diameter). Maybe it’s even a small size for the veterans of this forum, but for me it seemed gigantic! I’ve never had anything so big inserted into my anus before. I wore it for about 6 hours daily for the first month, from March 30th to April 30th, and thereafter I gradually increased its use to the current 12 hours, resting its use during the sleeping hours.

Considering that the idea was to be sodomized by Belle by means of a strap-on 25 cm long by 5 cm wide, I have to admit that the use of this contraption was very beneficial so that I would not end up crying during the first days of my new chaste sex life. The first time Belle penetrated me was on April 12th, so that date marks from now on the moment I lost my anal virginity.

It was a strange feeling. It was nice, of course, but I felt like something was missing, I felt unfinished. I still have that feeling even today, since I have not been able to ejaculate again, except for nocturnal emissions, and of course, I have not had an orgasm again since that now distant March 29th. I worry that my commitment to the cause of feminization and the anal-only lifestyle will deprive me for life of ever again feeling the joy of climax. Recently, due to my concern about the subject, Belle offered me the possibility of having a “Mercy Day” every month, in which she would turn a blind eye, and I would be free to reach orgasm as I pleased, and without having penalties or penances afterwards. I don’t know if I will accept her proposal. I would prefer to be able to achieve orgasms only anally. However, I think that over time I will be able to mentalize myself about my new situation and accept that I will probably never feel an orgasm again. Even though I sometimes have moments of weakness, I am determined to assume all the consequences of my decision.

I will continue with my narrative another day. Thanks for reading!

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Whatever you decide about your path in your adventure, I wish you the best of success and enjoyment.

Certainly some males can achieve orgasm exclusively by anal stimulation. However, as far as I know, the number of such men is fairly small. But then again, I have to wonder how many men have seriously tried as you are doing. Perhaps, if it is more possible than we know; it could be a matter of years of “practice” not a couple/few months.

In more than 40 years of anal toy use, I have probably had less than five instances of spontaneous orgasm that did not involve penis stimulation. (All using self-operated toys, not strap-ons; none by fisting, but there has not been a statistically significant amount of fisting compared to other methods.)

One thought I have, from my personal experience, is that fisting allows for more specific and targeted anal stimulation than “just” receiving a strap-on. I am an “advanced” recipient of self-operated very large anal toys (most of the time, a couple days a week), strap-ons (its been a few years due to lack of enthusiasm on the part of my wife), and fisting (occasionally, delivered by my wife). The nice thing (for me) about fisting is that there are constant surprises as each finger can do different things with just slight motions, each stroke is different and not necessarily actually a stroke, there can be a lot of specific / directed exploration of various good spots, etc. There are very different sensations at every level of depth, with every different little motion, with every difference in action or inaction – every minute of every session can be different – and can be intensely enjoyable!

I suspect that if I were suddenly able (if my wife wanted to do it) to receive as much fisting as I have previously received from self-operated toys, I am guessing that my orgasm rate (without penis stimulation) would eventually become significantly higher than it has been with toys.

The key to receiving successful and enjoyable fisting is: a) having a partner who enjoys doing it; b) having a partner who is very sensitive to the feedback the receiver provides; c) a recipient who provides a high level of feedback; d) both people being relaxed and in a positive mindset without a lot of specific goals or other pressures or expectations.

It sounds as if you are well on your way to be able to receive fisting; perhaps sooner than you think depending upon the size of Belle’s hand(s). If you like the idea, and if Belle is onboard with doing it, it certainly would be worth soon starting to try to see if you are already able to receive fisting or how much more stretching practice you still need. The key is to GO SLOW, “don’t fist before its time”, use LOTS of lube, don’t feel any pressure to do anything you are not ready to do, but, within that context, finally getting there may take a little bit more stretching and slight initial discomfort. This can be accomplished by persistence in a session; it might, the first few successful times, take 10-30 minutes of stretching, backing off, stretching again, etc., etc. Don’t proceed if there is pain, but a little “good discomfort” is fairly typical at first. (Later on, eventually, after extensive experience, there will probably not be any discomfort at all.)

BTW, for fisting, if you are interested… I strongly recommend the use of gloves (probably nitrile material for most people; a lot of people have problems with latex) simply to reduce the possibility of micro-scratches, and wear & tear, etc., from fingernails; anal tissues are much more delicate than vaginal tissues (I know that you do not have a vagina). Then the question is what length of gloves. If it were me receiving and if my partner did not mind, I would prefer standard-short gloves, or maybe gloves that are an inch or two longer at the wrist. However, finding elbow-length or shoulder-length gloves seems to require finding a veterinary supplier and those gloves may be polyethylene which is a bit “crinkly” and not anywhere near as comfortable to receive. (Those really long gloves go on top of short gloves because the really long “poly” gloves won’t protect against fingernail scratches.) The trick for short gloves is to try to find gloves that do NOT have “textured” fingertips – if you can find completely smooth tips that is much better. Lastly, fisting can be a bit messy – even if you are completely cleaned out – in terms of messy lube, etc., because a LOT of lube is used. Thus, for an enjoyable experience for both people, the provider of the fisting needs to not be concerned about messiness.

There is something deeply “connecting” to have a partner’s entire hand – and eventually much of the arm – in the ass. And for the partner doing the fisting it is a unique experience to do it; to be able to do something that very few people truly ever experience in a “deep” way.

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On the subject of fisting, I can say that it is a uniquely erotic experience, and definitely something to look forward to. The thrill of watching your abdomen move (even above your navel) with the movements of your partner’s hand, knowing that it is her doing it is an experience unlike any other. The possibilities for prostate are many. Advancement to that level might take time, but will be rewarded with bliss. Prior clean out will become perfected with practice, and will ensure pure erotic fun. I have found that the best possible lube is a thick gel made from xanthan gum. It is incredibly slippery, lasts and lasts, and can be enhanced with a little spray bottle of water. It cleans off with water, and leaves your skin feeling fresh and clean. Since it is a food item used in cooking, it is completely safe. The gel itself looks like semen, if you’re into that sort of thing. (Very erotic when your wife pulls her hand out, and her hand is dripping with it.)

On the subject of girth, that too takes time and consistent practice. Don’t go past anything that feels like pain. I have found that castor oil is an amazing conditioner that somehow confers recovery, flexibility and resilience to your sphincter after sessions. If you’re into feminization, it is incredibly erotic to use a panty liner in your briefs (or panties) so that the castor oil does not leak through and stain the seat of your pants.

On the subject of ejaculating, no worries. The more you ejaculate, the more you need to. The less you ejaculate, the less you need to. The last time I ejaculated was into my wife 6 years ago. I decided that unless I was putting my power into her, then it would be absurd to spray that life-force out uselessly without an interpersonal energetic exchange. That transition takes the most time. Yet it too is worth the wait. There is something amazingly vibrant about retaining, recirculating and conserving your own sexual power. Over time, your body becomes more youthful and glowing, and you have with you at all times your own imminent power, held in check, yet available in an instant.

On the subject of feminization, it can be autogynephilia, a kink, or a fetish, or gender dysmorphia. It is wonderfully freeing, to feel your humanity, worship the goddess both within you as well as look for her outside of you, and to be a man as naturally expressed by your own innermost predilections, or as much feminine as best befits your nature. The script of “what it means to be a man” can be incredibly stimulating to temporarily shed, and be instead the female you long to possess.

Orgasms are great, but fleeting, and they always leave you soon needing another fix. Don’t worry about “denying” yourself. Just learn to explore the possibilities of conservation.

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Thanks for sharing your story, I look forward to hearing more. It’s funny, my own journey is very different from yours. But one thing I share with you is that I also got a plug that I thought was reasonably sized, only to discover it was much more than I bargained for!

I will say though, working up to that bigger size toy has made the anal sex I’m having now much easier and more enjoyable. I hope it does for you too!