Hey Colt, I have just noticed that you may have been asking your question of me and not the original poster – I missed that until now. [I need to post in the Meta/Site category that an on-site notification/alert of an “addressed reply” would be helpful. Or maybe I just don’t know where to look?]
So, assuming that you are asking me…
First, I have to say that I am very jealous of you guys and gals that have such interested, involved, and devoted – even apparently sometimes craving – partners in your anal activities.
Honestly, I don’t know for sure which I “prefer” without thinking about it a lot. Giving and receiving are so different. It is like asking if I more prefer ice cream or lasagna. Whenever I am asked an “or” question about anything, my answer is usually “yes”.
And there is the additional complication that, while my wife is “cooperative” in receiving anal [me giving], and she definitely does not want me in her vagina, but she is not “enthusiastic” about receiving anal herself [me giving]. She has really huge orgasms with me administering a vaginal toy, but 95% of the time she tends not to care much about whether or not we engage in any sexual activity at all. Sad situation from my perspective.
As for me receiving anal play (fisting or toys), my wife is “willing but not enthusiastic” to deeply fist me – she does not understand why I like it so much and she does not enjoy doing it – as long as it is planned at least a day in advance, and not more than once per one or two weeks, etc., etc. Again, not a terribly exciting attitude from her and thus it mutes my pleasure. But, I have to [I choose to] take what I can get, as they say.
If momma is not happy, ain’t nobody is happy. The rest of our life together is much better than our sex life. [Her entire attitude about sex changed at menopause. She tried HRT, but it was not right for her – and with her family medical history she chose not to continue HRT because of the potential risks.]
We arrived at the present state of affairs after I reached the point of my unhappiness of there being very little “penetrative” shared sexual activity of any sort that I gave her the choice of a) we figure out how to make it work or b) she allow me to find some sort of alternative to meet my needs. I had no clue as to what such an alternative would have been – I had/have no desire to leave our relationship – but I knew I had to do something different. After a couple deep and very civil conversations, we arrived at the present state and things have been working fairly well. “We are in good shape for the shape we are in.”
The other aspect of me receiving anal pleasure, self-administered, is a very different experience. My wife is fully aware of what I do and when I do it, and is perfectly fine with it (perhaps even relieved?) – thus there is no concern or stress for either of us about me self-administering. But she is not interested in participating in that activity of me self-administering. (She will do it if asked, but she does not want to help me do it.) The good part is that I have full control – thus every spot is hit just right – and I can go on, increasingly bigger and deeper, for a couple of hours if that is my mood. The bad part is that I have full control – thus there are very few unexpected surprises. Somebody else using the same toys on me would be (based on limited experience) a very different experience. Though not everything is “perfect” when somebody else is driving an anal toy or a fist, there are more “WOW, where did that come from?” moments.
So, back to your question… If I had to choose ONLY one or the other, based on my experience and history, I would have to choose receiving (toys and/or fisting – I have no experience with another man). However, I would be sad to have to make that choice.
I want my lasagna AND I want my ice cream!