I have always - since birth been anal interested. Since I was very little, I explored putting things in my ass, long before I began masturbating with my penis.
I still remember the first time I saw a woman in porn putting a dildo up her ass. I was AMAZED, STUNNED! Absolutely every cell in my body recognized this as godly fantastic. I later explored ejaculation orgasm and started wanking to only anal and oral, really.
Years later, I finally found the AO commumity, inwhich I have had struggles with, because I become so aroused and frustrated finding out abput other peoples sexlives could be so nice!
Myself, I am with a girlfriend who don’t like anal that much. We don’t really have the sex I need and yearn for. So no matter how hard I try to quit fantasy/analsex/porn, I always come back to explore this world because the sex force is too great. I am not currently satisfied with my sex life, and tbh it’s depressing.
I think, if you read around in the forum a bit, that quite a lot of people share your frustration; coming to terms with being into anal is one thing, finding a partner to share it with is another!
Maybe with an exploratory and non-confrontational stance you could try introducing the idea of more anal play to your girlfriend?
Either way, enjoy the forum and your time with us!
We have talked about this some times, from time to time. I even told her one time that I don’t enjoy vaginal sex as much as vaginal, and it hurt her. And it hurt me.
However, she said that she would never ever be willing to try anal only, even for a month or so…
And I find this frustrating! Feels good to come here and talk to others. I think I will talk to a sexterapist as well…
I don’t know your girlfriend, but many women I’ve met have had bad experiences with anal in the past and are understandably hesitant to experiment. It might seem like a joke, but I’ve met girls who actually had sex with guys who tried to “whoopsie” their dick into them during doggy style. No questions before, no lube, no consent, just trying to slip it in. And if that’s your first exposure to anal, you are not going to be keen on trying again.
So maybe go a little slower? Does she know about your own explorations, and how good anal stimulation feels for you? Maybe that could be a way forward.
A sex therapist or sexologist could be a good idea as well - and maybe also easing off on the porn; I know it sure ruined some good encounters for me, having my head filled with pornography instead of being in the moment and letting it develop naturally.
I have went slowly. She know about my explorations, I’ve told her.Ye, I would never “whoopsie”… She hasn’t had analsex with previous partners.
We had more successfull anal in the beginning. She quit wanting to try… I might went a little fast, or she went too slow. But however, I wanted her to douche and use a buttplug, neither of which happened. I bought some plugs and douches, but she read on the web that women CAN have issues later in life with their spinchter muscle. I told her that will be a problem if things are unconfortable all the way in the process and not if things are done right.
She won’t listen to me, my “advice”. She seem to be quite uninterested in my sexual preferances. I am quite a lot depressed about this!
Now she recently got a womanizer that she likes, and now that we/she use that she’s satisfied with that. I get a handjob afterwards.
I’ve told her I am not satisfied with my sex life, but she do not really seem to care. I am now starting to lose interest in fixing our relationship after more than two years. This is horrible!
She’s against therapists!
Oh man, that sounds like a bad situation to be in!
Long ago, I was in a similar situation, without anal even being involved, and it really, really sucked.
So your gf doesn’t want any change, no outside help either? That’s a tough one.
I hope you find a good way forward!
Unpopular opinion coming in, stop reading if you can get upset !
You should end this relationship as soon as possible. Women would NEVER stay with a man who is not willing to meet her sexual needs. So either should you. The frustration will only increase till the point there’s nothing left to hold on to.
Believe me, there are women out there who want anal exclusive. When I met my girlfriend there was not a thought in my mind she loved anal. Being a mother of 4 and all. Now we’re closing on 3 years of anal only and she’s determined her pussy will never get fucked again. They exist, but they are unicorns and it took me till age 50 to find her. It was worth everything.
I’d have to agree with @Backdoorlover. If she’s showing no interest in penetrative sex of any kind that would be a deal breaker for me.
It sounds like you’ve had reasonable discussions with her and she’s pulling further away from you. You’re young and should seek a satisfying sex life.
I waited more than 30 years to have anal sex with my wife because birth control stunted her libido. We had an active sex life but anal was off the table despite many tries. Then things changed overnight when she started hormone replacement therapy. You shouldn’t have to wait that long, especially since you’re not married.
I’m not a sex therapist or whatever, but how have you been dealing with this? If you’re straight up asking her why you don’t have anal intercourse, then I don’t think that’s gonna work.
I mean, truly there are people that are really reluctant to change and won’t change their minds for whatever reason, but I think you should start with more general, high-level questions like: “Are you satisfied with how our current relationship is going on?”. Then, you can start assessing the problem from there, making sure both are satisfied. Then, you can tackle the sex life part slowly, asking her if she’s sarisfied and listening what she wants (I mean, I’m more on the submissive side, so I would listen more to her than me, but still).
I can very much relate to your introduction post. Embrace whoever you are, you are not alone
For me, I had both great and not so great relations w.r.t. anal sex. I think it is worth pursuing finding that special person with whom you can share your most important passions. It’s good to remember people are not rigid and things can develop. But it can be very tough if the things you really desire don’t happen.
In my case I had one break-up because my then-partner absolutely detested anal, and that was rough and I really wished a different outcome. In the end I am happy though, as we talked a lot and did everything we could to make it work. Treat each other with respect and dignity, and you will be able to come to terms with your actions.
Keep us updated!
A relationship is more than sex and fetishes. But the part that really worries me is her unwillingness to find solutions / seek help when you’re clearly unhappy.
Totally agree. As most know my story, my wife discovered the pleasure of anal only after three decades of a great marriage despite my lifelong preference for anal sex. Patience can pay off for sure.
that’s sad story. not sexually satisfied must be very frustrating. I don’t think I can survive it. I’m a free use toy for my husband, but it doesn’t include the option to not use me.
