I have enjoyed reading; it's time to join in

I am a married mid-60s male in a southeastern U.S. state.

My wife and I became anal only in a roundabout (or I guess one could say “backassward”) way. She very much enjoys occasional vaginal sex toy use if administered by me, but no longer enjoys traditional vaginal sex. For me sexual activity is extremely important – I could not imagine life without it in some manner. For me, anal sex of any and all sorts is especially important. My wife started out having no interest in receiving anal sex, but the no interest in (vaginal) penetration situation was becoming a deal breaker for me, so the alternatives, which we discussed openly, were either we start experimenting with her receiving anal sex or I start looking for a way for me to meet my needs in some sort of more open marriage arrangement (which neither of us wanted at all). The experimentation (practice) has been going well and she is more and more open to receiving anal sex – and though she has yet to actually admit it – for several reasons I think she is starting to enjoy it. (She is very traditional – I am not at all – and she has a bit of a hard time admitting to something like enjoying sexual activity.)

But that is only half the story.

I do not know why, but I have been anal-oriented since puberty. However, I was in my mid-20s before I started doing any anal activity of any sort (solo or with a partner). The few women in my life had zero interest in anal activity (until my wife and I started experimenting with her receiving). Thus I was left to my own devices, literally… various sex toys.

In reading posts on this forum, I have read that some male members do anally pleasure themselves with sex toys and some don’t (and some would never even want to consider it).

I have been anally pleasuring myself for 35-40 years. It certainly has become part of who I am and I don’t feel right going without that activity for more than a week or so. The activity may or may not result in orgasm for me; it just depends upon what kind of mood I am in. Sometimes it is just to enjoy the feelings of the activity. It varies a lot – and yes, men have monthly cycles of interest too – but my solo activity ranges from once a week to 3-4 times per week. In my perfect world, solo activity would be at least 3 times per week, but life sometimes gets in the way.

My wife is completely accepting of my solo activity. She knows all about what I do, even though it is not something that she actually understands. She grudgingly participates in my “solo” activity with toys only rarely. I would absolutely love it if she would fist me regularly, but she is only willing to do so occasionally and not to the intensity that I would most enjoy – and I always have to ask for it, which is off-putting for me. Though she does comply and “accommodates” me, it feels obvious to me that she would really rather not and that feeling makes it very difficult for me to enjoy the experience as fantastic as I know it can be.

I am probably a bit unusual among the members of this group in that I have 35-40 years of solo practice which has given me a “huge” [pun intended] amount of experience and perspective. Over that time I have worked my capability / capacity up to using very large sex toys. To put this into perspective, my four main toys are: 1) KING COCK, I think about 12-13 inch insertable and about 2.75-inch diameter. This is my main start-the-session toy; I can go straight to it and can insert if completely without much difficulty. 2) Mr.Hankey’s BOSS HOGG (I think XXL) about 10-11 inch insertable and a about 3.5-4 inch diameter (a bit oval in cross section). I can accommodate about 9 inches of that, and am working on more. 3) Crackstuffers silicone depth trainer, 1-inch diameter, 27 inch insertable. I can handle about 21-22 inches of it. 4) SquarePeg Toys SLINK (either the XL or XXL, 21 or 24 inches; I don’t remember which). With some work, I can accommodate the full (actually a couple inches less than the measurement due to the base) length. I like this design because the base is a “plug” style that holds it in place.

Some people might say that is all very “gay”. However, there is a huge difference between which gender you are attracted to and want to have a relationship with and which of your body parts you get pleasure from. I am only attracted to women and, so far, I have actually never been with a man in this way (just a traditional MMF non-anal, straight threesome). At the same time, I don’t care what gender(s) are involved, but I enjoy the sight of any cock (or two) sliding into any ass.

I only know my own experience and I recognize that I am probably somewhat unusual and that everybody’s interests and experiences are going to be very different. However, if asked, I will be happy to share my experiences and my thoughts on solo toy use.

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Welcome here, as far as intro’s go, this one is an example.

As far as I see it, there are some men who enjoy solo anal too. At least I read stories here implying it. Why did you work up to such huge toys ? Where does that urge come from ?

Thank you Backdoorlover.

As to “why”, that’s a good question and I don’t have a specific answer.

I guess the urge to “go big” been the combination of the pure pleasure and that it was a challenge. That continues in both respects.

A psychologist might also suggest that at some point there might have also been some sublimation of the desire for anal penetrative sex with a female partner but my few partners over time were not interested in that. The psychological definition of sublimation seems to be “the act of expressing strong emotions or using energy by doing an activity or creating something, or the activity or work itself”

Welcome to the group! In time, your wife may experience anal orgasm. If/when that happens she’ll be hooked… especially since she no longer enjoys vaginal penetration. You’re at a bit of advantage because of your familiarity with anal play. I presume you do the same things to her ass that you do to yours. I enjoy the occasional finger and prostate massage but not much more than that. Like you, I’ve been attracted to anal sex with women since I was a teen. I enjoyed anal with two women before I met my wife and then patiently waited three decades+ before discovering my wife was now my anal queen.

It sounds like you’re close to consummating your anal only relationship. In our late 60’s, it’s pretty amazing to discover this so far into our wonderful marriage. Mercilessly tease her ass until she begs you to fuck it. If she experiences anal orgasm, I believe you will find your anal queen. You’ll find all of us are willing to offer and share advice to help you along your journey. I’m active in this group because of the profound improvement anal made to our already loving relationship.

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Welcome to the forum!
That’s quite the anal resumé you’ve presented, I’m glad we have someone that knowledgable and experienced here and wish you the best for your anal explorations with your wife.

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I hope you wife learns to enjoy anal and experiences orgasms. A good hard orgasm brings them back for more!

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She never orgasmed from vaginal penetration but discovered her G-spot is in her ass. For us it’s all about the anal orgasm.