So, hi!
I’m kinda new here. Stalked the old page a bit for a few months or maybe the last year. I won’t get into my intro again, you can read that there.
The last 10 days have been absolutely mind-blowing. I have been filled up every day. And sleeping plugged most nights. DH told me yesterday that he’s ok with me plugging when I come home from work, and whenever I want when I’m home alone. I really like sleeping plugged too. I feel floaty, and almost a little high or drunk. I just love that it makes me ready constantly.
So, here’s where I think I messed up. I think I want to be a sub. Maybe at least try a little? I get so wet when I think about him explicitly telling me what to do, and what he’s going to do. And not thinking about a choice just makes it more intense.
Last night playing cards he said “So I feel like you’re hinting and wanting to be submissive?” I panicked. He was looking straight into my eyes. I melted. And what I said wasn’t “yes.” I said “not necessarily, but I think it’s a little hot.” He said he thought so too, he just didn’t want to take it too far. I had my chance! That was it! And now I don’t know what to do! I have never felt sexier the last couple weeks, but when it comes to direct conversation, I get a little… flustered, embarrassed, and selfish feeling.
How do I get there, without being outright? Gosh that’s a dumb question. I should just be blunt about it. I should just tell him. But then I panic. What if he says no. What if it all stops. What if he’s not into it. What if it turns him off. I can’t handle that.
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What if you stop overthinking it and tell him about wanting to be used without him asking for it ?
My girlfriend told me from the start that I could do whatever I liked with her. And coming from a woman who was previously doubting if she was asexual, this is a lot.
So I can put my cock in her mouth or her asshole whenever I want, without warning or consent. She gave me consent for life to use her ass to mouth.
She loves it when I just shove my cock up her ass randomly, and I don’t do this often enough. I should use her much more. Life gets in the way of play. Working on that.
I am definitely good at overthinking. Something I’ve had to work on my whole life.
Maybe I’ll try that. I really like the thought of just being used whenever he wants. I kinda think we did a little ATM last night. There was no clean up prep. But I did clean him up good. I haven’t ever wanted to do that.
If you feel safe with him, you can be open. A thing I found that works well for my overthinking self is talking about what happened or happens inside my head.
For you, it could be something like this:
“So, do you remember when you asked me how I feel about submission recently?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Well … it’s hard for me to say still, and it was even harder then, but I don’t just think it might be hot, I really, really want to try it.”
Or something along those lines. You can do it!
Also, you did not mess up at all. Messing up would have been to kick him in the balls, shout “PIG! WOMAN HATER! MISOGYNISTIC PRICK!” and storm out 
This could work too.
Last night he wanted to sleep. I guess I’ve been a bit needy lately. A rest day never hurt anyone I suppose.
But when I go a few days without, it’s almost like the whole feeling goes away, and I’m not desperately craving a good stretch. Makes me sad.
Do keep in mind, if you decide to discuss it with him, “I want to be a sub” is the beginning of the conversation, not the end of it. What exactly does submission mean to you? How do you want a free use dynamic to go? Neither means that you’ll always get your ass filled whenever you want to. Quite the contrary, as for how those terms are generally used. You’d get filled whenever he wants to.
Do you have to put it into words? Especially if that’s too much pressure. And especially when it is action that you want and actions speak louder than words. So maybe use actions. For example, if you know when he’s coming home and you’re home already you could wait naked bent over with your arse cheeks spread apart at the front door so when he opens it, he has this lovely welcoming vision to his house and arse.
You could drop a hint earlier before he leaves work that it’s going to be a big night and get him horny.
It’s been years but I used to send Mrs Colt text messages describing in great detail how I was going to pleasure and own her ass. Maybe send a text offering your ass to him.