Hi everyone. I’m a wife and mother and want to find some ideas to keep the flame burning. I can say i’m 90%anal/10%vaginal. I’m willing to turn 100% but my husband doesn’t let me do it 
2 Likes
Welcome to the group. We look forward to your participation. Share the story of your anal journey in another post. Our group consists of a wide range of members of different ages from around the world.
1 Like
Hello Milf, welcome to our community!
Does or doesn’t? 
In your case, I would tease him even more, maybe with some unexpected sexy lingerie or a double meaning message sent during the day. But I need to understand your dynamic as a couple. How much does he likes anal?
So your hubby is the one keeping the 10% vaginal going ? I think that’s a good division. I don’t think you should push for the whole 100%.
Best course of action is to let is happen unnoticed through time. Make him feel how much more hou enjoy anal sex and he will slowly go 92%, 95%, ….
Doesn’t of course 
i’m trying my best to keep it on fire, but since some time i have the impression he is not as much interested in sex, in general as he was before.
Welcome. I think the best thing to do is to clearly express your desire. And maybe have a conversation about sexuality. Maybe there’s something on his mind?
If you want to be in an anal-only relationship, maybe you could introduce it in short bursts to start with.
What’s interesting about anal sex is that it opens up a whole range of possibilities and ways to play that, in my opinion, vaginal sex doesn’t allow for. Let’s just say that basic heterosexual vaginal sex can quickly become routine, especially if the guy is focused on penetration.
I get the impression you’re expressing a weariness due to routine. Maybe expressing your desire is just the right thing to do. You could start with a text, and why not tease him with some photos if that’s okay with you. I’m thinking of something like a photo of a butt plug, etc.
I’m teasing him and i wear a buttplug sometimes my biggest fear is that he just got bored with sex.
Oh, I see. Did you ask him directly? I know it’s not always easy, and I also know (at least for me) that it’s better to ask than to try to guess.
Is the change obvious compared to before? Is it just sexual, or do you feel like it’s related to the relationship itself?
Relationships aren’t easy for a bunch of reasons. Communication really is the key to a lot of things. First, you have to be honest with yourself so you can be honest with the other person.
I was wondering if it’s hard for you to talk about this—maybe you could get help from a therapist?
1 Like
You didn’t mention his age. It’s possible he has low testosterone. This happened to me but my libido returned after starting TRT. He should have a blood test to determine his level.
Welcome to the forum! I don’t have much to add that hasn’t already been said here. But the encouragement from these folks here helped me get over my fear of talking to my partner about anal, so they know what they’re talking about!
1 Like
I was going to ask the same questions and make the same comments as Colt1911.
I would strongly encourage that he get his testosterone level checked at his next doctor appointment. (You can tell him that you have recently “read several places” that more and more men “his age” are discovering that the very common condition of low testosterone is making their lives difficult, but that proper and careful attention from a doctor can almost immediately turn things around if that is the cause.
It is a very simple blood test – I have it done twice per year to make sure I am staying within a certain range that is best for me. (But I have so much experience with this that I can tell within 1-2 days if my level is too low or too high – and using cream I can immediately make adjustments. See next paragraph.)
As a man with a low-testosterone condition, I have been using prescribed testosterone cream daily for 25 (?) years – starting far earlier than typical men encounter testosterone problems. Low testosterone affects men in tremendously greater ways than just sexual – depression-like feelings, brain fog, various health problems, shorter life-span, etc., etc., etc. With the properly calibrated (and in my case a “gentle” amount of cream) treatment, my life instantly (1-2 days) got much better, my brain fog cleared, I had much more energy generally, and greater sexual interest and energy. (And the leaves were greener and the birds sang louder, etc. It was a HUGE difference for me – and I use a very modest daily dose.)
Whenever testosterone treatment is involved, it has to be paired with regular (probably twice per year, certainly in the first year of treatment, but always at least one per year) PSA level testing. Testosterone by itself does not seem to cause prostate cancer, but if prostate cancer is present, testosterone is like pouting gasoline on a fire. Men should have a PSA level test at least once per year anyway.
HOWEVER, building on what Frenchbbwanal said, I don’t get the impression that you and your husband have actually sat down and talked about your observations and concerns. I am not a therapist, but in my opinion, it is extremely important to have real, crystal clear, and loving conversations about this subject. There is a whole range of possibilities that could be going on with him. As Colt1911 noted, you did not mention your husband’s age – that is a factor to help in this mix, regardless of testosterone level.
Other “typical” factors that come to my mind specifically based on what you did say are:
-
Children around: Do you and your husband actually have (make) quality sexual time available where he (and you) don’t have to worry about the children being around or hearing you, etc. (I worry that the neighbors a mile away will hear my wife.) Such a worry can really kill the joy.
-
Avoiding further children: Is your husband, at some level, concerned about the risk of another pregnancy? Such a concern can really kill the joy.
-
Work/career worries: With the realization of responsibilities that can hit really hard with a family, etc. alone or combined with difficult work situations and/or worries about job security, etc., etc., kan really kill the joy. Just doing the calculation of how much money the family will need to put the kids through college and/or the two of you having a secure retirement fund, etc., etc., can be TERRIFYING for anybody!\
-
Or anything else that might be concerning him.
-
Does your husband drink alcohol or use other substances? Both can have a tremendous negative affect on libido.
-
Have you done a review (looking up sexual / libido side effects) of any medications your husband may be been taking. A LOT of common medications can have tremendous negative effects on libido, for some men. [For myself, I do an internet search of “can XXXXX reduce libido in men of age XXXX”.] Most results will say “yes”, so don’t make yourself crazy about that, but once armed with these results, HE should discuss the information with his doctor – and I suggest you attend that meeting (my wife and I each attend almost all of each others’ medical appointments for many good reasons – it really helps). YOU can also take those results – along with a complete medication list, including any “supplements” – because sometimes the problem is caused by the combination of medications – to a proper pharmacist. In the U.S. any pharmacist will be happy to consult with you on this type of situation, at no charge (they hope to get your future business, but that is not a requirement).
I strongly encourage MAKING TIME on a regular basis for the two of you to really talk about things. It may take a while for him to open up about his concerns. I am not suggesting that you “tiptoe” around your observations and concerns – quite the opposite – but I do suggest approaching such subjects in a direct, but very gentle and loving, manner. Perhaps let him know what you think you have observed (seemingly less sexual interest) and what you are worried about, etc. ASK him questions (but not interrogation) and at the same time let him know that you are there for him, shoulder to shoulder, no matter what. For some men, “being a Man” can be very difficult and carries very heavy weight with it. That is the result of choices the man has made about what he thinks a “Man” should be. The more you can communicate (gently) with him and encourage him to communicate openly with you, the better. Some of what he might say could worry you (for example if he has deep worries about his job/career situation). Don’t try to pretend that you are not worried in such a case, but DO let him know that you two are a team and that the two of you will be working together to make better [whatever is bothering him].
Yes, it is all easier said than done. However, the payoff can enormously wonderful.
1 Like
He is over 40. He gets a regular check up it seems all fine for his age. and the worst part is he does not seem to have a problem with that. I’m trying to tease him and propose some new things but he does not seem as much interested as i am. Maybe the problem is with me? Maybe i should try to calm my needs. I dont know…
If he ‘s only in his 40s I think it’s very early to loose interest in sex. So as a man, this comes to mind why I would loose interest in sex with my wife:
- Totally different view on life
This one is important. It creates distance without bridges
- No more physical attration
Things change, people change, you change. Did you change much in appearance ? Remember, men preffer their wife not to change too much like suddenly going from lang hair to short, dressing totally different or change their life too much
- Emotional connection got lost
Women underestimate this one. It’s often assumed men are not emotionally involved in the relationship. It’s all physical. Let me tell you that to me, whitout emotional connection, I can’t have physical attraction in the long run.
With my second wife I did loose interest in sex. Not because of lack of physical attraction. She had a great body. The issue was her not showing any interest in me as a person. Taking me for granted and never put in any effort to make me feel seen. I’d rather be in my garage, enjoying my hobby till 2 at night, instead of going to bed with a woman who made me feel like a ghost.
I think you first need to get into a really deep talk with him. Dragg it out if needed, but there seems to be more to it then he let you know.
A man showing no interest in a woman who wants anal is weird. To me that is. Not judging the both of you. But dig into this.
i give him attention and tried to talk a few times, he is “just tired”. I did not change my look, maybe he is more into younger woman now. I don’t know…