How you mean judgemental ?
So because we’re anal only here we should condone with somebody cheating but telling herself she’s not a cheater ?
Did you want the truth or did you want validation for your behavior ? As someone who has been cheated upon for over a year, she told herself too she wasn’t a bad woman, I can not possible validate your views. Sorry.
Well damn! My view is a bit simple, but I think it’s probably been touched on. I’m sure we all hear about women in marriages and long term relationships who isn’t very intimate with their partners. Eg women who hasn’t slept with their husbands for years then he cheats and now she’s doing gangbangs and fucking every man she finds. Or not doing a sexual act eg anal but tells guys they cheat with anal only. I have always found it weird and could never make sense of it but in my experience it’s not the act that makes it exciting to these people. It’s the fact you know it’s wrong and it could possibly ruin your life that makes it exciting. Because of that I don’t think open relationships would work for people like that because it wouldn’t ruin your life. Also it’s a control issue as they want to control who gets what and don’t believe the long term partner should get what he wants. Crazy story behind my opinion lol a friends auntie was on the verge of divorce from her husband. Nobody understood why as they seem the perfect couple. Husband started seeing other women before it was finalised she also found another man. Months past and the other man exposed to her whole family why her husband left and why he was leaving. 
really weird so she was posting all over adult sites with various objects in her ass and pussy. Getting allot of attention online but wasn’t sleeping with her partners like once every few months of pushed according to him. What he exposed was she was getting off on that and had no sexual desires towards her partners. This was messy because nephews, nieces, children, mother, father I mean everyone saw these pics. She then disappeared for a year understandably then she came back and said something similar to what the original poster said. “Quote” she just didn’t think a woman with a family and a husband should have such desires. She knew her partners would indulge with her. But she was raised to not have such desires and always saw women with such desires as less than. So it was all personal to her nothing to do with her partners. Therapy was done and revealed her auntie use to tell her that after sexually abusing her when she was 9 which again I didn’t understand because she apparently had no memory that ever happened until therapy. She is still a black sheep in his family and that auntie is now dead so yeah. Long story short (bit late now) it could be some physiological trauma that cause these things talk to a professional. It might help.
Hi Brit.
Maybe don’t confess to him if you don’t feel it will help anything.
You mentioned that you think a good wife and housewife doesn’t do kinky stuff like anal etc. Let me help remove that block. The best wives and housewives do the kinky shit to keep things alive. There’s far too much stigma to it that somehow you shouldn’t marry the ones that satisfy you in bed, that somehow sex in marriage has to be boring. It doesn’t. If you both like anal, then get that dick in your ass, anal doesn’t have to be slutty, it can be extremely passionate, requiring more trust and intimacy even.
I’ve not read through the whole thread since you’ve had a lot of advice, but my main advice would be to just do it, tell him to put it in your ass one night, and you’ll see it’s actually being a good wife, not a bad one, to be a bit naughty and kinky.
I can understand avoiding vaginal with someone else if a person is in a LTR. There is part of our mind which justifies certain behaviors but we won’t do THAT one. But I do not understand withholding anal to your primary commitment. Maybe it is a way of “separating” the two men so there is a clearer conscience. Maybe. You admitted these other men are not important to you. If you see yourself spending the rest of your life with your boyfriend, then get after it and share anal intimacy with him. But I suspect otherwise and the decent thing to do in my opinion, is to let him go. If he were doing the same, you would not appreciate it. Think of long term happiness for you and him.