I’ve been obsessed with all things anal from a young age. And I’m a 31 year old male married adult. Here for tips and tricks to help my wife become anal only. I’m excited and look forward to becoming a solid regular member here. I myself love any anal fun done to myself. And we are trying to get past her anxieties about it being done to her.
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Well you’ve come to the right place. Welcome to our group. Brevity is not my strong suit, so rather than writing a textbook of what helped us, what specific questions do you have?
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So for context, she has no problem, rimming, pegging, fingers etc etc to me. She does it with happiness. And for herself tho, there was a period when we first got together she would let me do anything to her back door. Anytime anywhere. After children, life so on. It’s been years, almost a solid decade since I’ve entered her back door.. I mean even a finger and she’s screaming in pain. We have tried plug kits, extremely slowly insertions of fingers so on and so forth. I promise I’ve been researching this for years so I’ve tried all the regular stuff, she just has an affliction on this topic about the pain.
Also to note, I’ve lost over 100lbs and my cock is larger than it used to be due to less “fat” around that area so I’m longer than when we first got together. And so since then as well we can’t have rough sex for longer than a few mins without her uterus begging for a pause. So me feeling extremely guilty, I often opt for her to get on top or do a less “invasive” position so I can’t go as deep.
Hence the reason for anal sex(one of the reasons other than my overwhelming love for it). If her vagina can’t take it due to anatomy reasons. Her asshole should be able to. Everybody’s body is different and that’s understandable. But I myself have to have anal sex. And we both love each other and it’s causing a massive rift in our marriage.
Any tips or tricks to get her past the pain, idc if it takes years to do. But something has to give. I’m patient, loving, gentle if desired by my partner, and I can’t get off unless my partner(wife) is having a good time. So unlike most men who just shove it in and do whatever works for them. I cannot operate that way, doesn’t mean there aren’t some selfish moments, but nothing to hurt my partner.
Welcome to the forum. Let me check if you’re aproved first.
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You’re approved now.
Then on topic. I fear the reason for her pain is lack of trust in how you’re handling it. Why do I say this ? My first wife wanted anal sex, at least that’s what she said. But in reality anal sex between us hardly ever really worked. If we did it she prompted me to be quick and urged me to cum. After I came I had pull out the second after. She could enjoy a finger, but my cock was hard to get in, due to her tensing up.
Fast forawrd a decade. Meanwhile I had given up on anal sex with her. There was no fun in hurting her, trying to assfuck her. At some point she told me she was fucking someone else. Of course it broke the marriage, but strangely when I found out I asked her if he assfucked her. And he did. And he didn’t hurt her while assfucking. That got me thinking. Why did it work with him ?
We divorced and I met another woman after a few months. That woman offered me her asshole herself. The anal sex with her was troublefree. She took me without any problems so I assfucked her a lot. This got me thinking again. Why was a woman, I only knew for 6 weeks, able to take me up her asshole without any problems, while the woman I’ve had been with for 20 years couldn’t ?
Answer: freshly established trust in her new man and eagerness to please me.
My current wife had been having anal sex with her ex for over a decade before they divorced. But he did hurt her very often. She says it was because of his impatient way of dealing with her asshole. She wasn’t too fond of him and her body regected his approach.
The first time I assfucked her, it was pure bliss. Not a hint of pain, just a smooth sensitive assfuck with nothing but pleasure for us both. Now, after more then 4 years of anal only, I only remember 2 times there was a little pain. But she said that was because of a bad toilet visit, not because something I did. Our anal sex is pure pleasure every single time. The first 2 years I’ve assfucked her daily. Now, due to having a business together, it downgraded to 2-3 times a week.
From my personal experience, I now firmly believe only pure trust is the issue. If the heart says yes, the ass says yes.
Find the underlying reason why her heart doesn’t say yes. Solve that reason and her ass will open up again. Ask yourself what changed since before the kids. Which issues play a role nowadays. Does she have any, even the slightest, reason to not fully trust you ? Find out why. Make her feel at ease.
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From a woman’s perspective, I can only confirm what Backdoorlover said. For me, absolute and unconditional trust in my partner is the most important thing when it comes to anal sex. Only then does sex become a rush of emotions that culminates in a wonderfully intense orgasm.
It’s this mix of trust, intimacy, and intensity that makes anal sex so unique for me and why anal sex is all I need.
I think communication is the key to turning 99 percent trust into 100 percent. Work together to figure out why she might feel insecure deep down inside. If you manage to break through that barrier, then she’ll be able to relax and enjoy the sex.
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Hello, and welcome!
Did you discuss with your wife that you would like anal only? It might be overwhelming for someone who isn’t even sure about anal in the first place to be asked about going anal only. And that kind of anxiety could cause tightness and pain. While communication is important, sometimes talking about it constantly makes it “a thing” and that can become a mental block. Maybe letting it rest for a little while, and re-connecting with her to remind her you love her for more than just anal, and then slowly reintroducing it after trust and lower-stakes have been re-established might help? I’m just trying tor think about times when my past boyfriends wanted to try things that I was reluctant about, because anal wasn’t one of them! Taking the pressure off helped a lot in those cases.
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I certainly agree with the previous comments about trust, communication, etc., etc.
The problem is that while you can control your side of the trust & communication equation, you cannot control her side of the equation. And her side of it may actually not have much (or anything) to do with you. For example, many people have experienced “teachings” (religious, family, etc.) that said anal is bad. And many other people have had various negative experiences with other partners. Sometimes something [could be one or more of many things; you mentioned children, your better physical condition, etc., or something completely unrelated to you, such as work stress, etc.) in their life can cause current emotions and trust issues that actually triggers back to those earlier negative experiences.
This also ties in with a pattern I think I had noticed in my own few relationships and in stories others have told about their relationships: Early on it seems that people can (not always; it could be the other way around) feel much more free, open, relaxed, trusting with somebody in a new-ish relationship. It could be that over time that changes and those good vibes are lessened. The lessening may or may not have something to do with their partner. Sure, the partner could have done something(s) that have lessened trust. However, it could also be that the chemicals (such as endorphins) flooding the brain during the new-ish phase of a relationship allow/promote trust, etc., but some years on, the brain is operating without as much of those wonderful chemicals.
I am just theorizing, but it sort of sounds right. 
I have found myself in a vaguely similar situation. The only ideas I have been able to come up with are to do a lot of communication (asking a lot of questions and listening very hard to the answers, when there were answers), combined with time and no-pressure. (Not very satisfying for me.)
Given the relative positions that you have described the two of you are in, this kind of communication can be difficult to do without her potentially, on some level, feeling pressure. You want X. Recently X has not been working for her. You want to talk about X and how to have X happen and be pleasurable for her, but since she may not be in X mode these days, communication about X could possibly be interpreted by her as pressure.
It is a Catch-22 type of situation – and in my own situation, after trying many different strategies and types of communication, I have yet to figure out how to get back to X.
I wish you the best of success. If you find something that works for the two of you, I hope you will share that with us.