My girlfriend and I are primarily anal at this point, but our biggest issue is that it is a real strain on her asshole. We have sex, and it’s incredible, she loves it every time, and there’s no pain while doing it.
However, the next day, her ass with be very sore/tender. She describes it as if it were a “leg day”, then the next day your legs are so sore you don’t want to work them out again. This seems completely expected. We are in a long distance relationship at the moment and she doesn’t really masturbate so she won’t have touched her ass for a whole month before I see her. So when we do get together, I feel like her body is never used to it, and we can only do it every other day.
What I want to know, is once we move in together and start fucking more regularly, will her body adapt and be able to have anal more frequently without it being painful? I specifically want to hear from someone who has had a similar experience where they or their partner couldn’t have anal sex as frequently as they wanted when they started, and if/how that has changed over time.
I’d say there’s a strong correlation between someone who has previous experience with anal and discomfort following penetration, so yes, that makes sense.
Even then, everyone is different. I’m thick and it stretches her hole but always without pain. We’re an older couple so our frequency is never more than every other day on fuckations. This helps her and I can’t inject Trimix more often than every other day anyway.
I’m pretty sure you’ll figure it out when you get together. Obviously, let her decide despite your strongest desires. She’s offered her pussy for more frequent sessions but both of us take a pass because anal is better and we’re truly anal only.
My first wife wouldn’t want anal more then once a month So basically every time we did it was technically like the first time for her asshole. I’ve tried convincing her that with anal, frequency is key, but she wouldn’t listen. So it kept being painfull and the urge I had to have anal kinda collapsed.
My wife now often said that with her ex, anal sex was often painfull and/or unpleasant. Even so with me - when I asked her how many times a week she would want anal - she told me “let’s try again tomorrow and see” So we’re trained her asshole from day one on a high frequency usage and in the 5 years we’re doing it, I can’t recall even once that she was sore.
So for now I would say, let her plug before you get there. It really helps. Buy a trainerset so she can increase the diameter over time. The spincter is a muscle which can easily be trained. To make the training fun, you could also make the insertion of the plug a couple thing. She does it on a videocall, for example, or you do it when you get to her place. I feels really nice to shove a plug up her asshole it’s like a claim “tonight this hole is mine” !
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In my experience, the soreness may very likely be related to a) the infrequency of anal activity as a couple and b) that your girlfriend is not making the opportunity to “practice” in between the times that the two of you can be together.
As has been said already, everyone is different.
If you are willing to share what country you are located in and/or whether your country will allow you to receive sex toys/products from outside the country, that information could be helpful to the forum members in making suggestions regarding some of the below information.
However, there is one subject to consider that could be the cause of the soreness that neither you nor other responders seem to have mentioned / considered…
Please consider and test the possibility that the soreness could be a chemical sensitivity:
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Assuming you are using lube, she may be sensitive to the lube being used. A lot of commercial lubes have a lot of nasty stuff in them. Find out what is in the lube being used. For something more simple, many “anal people” like to use coconut oil (virgin, cold-pressed, first-pressing only – the other type can have other problems). There is also basic Crisco; not ideal, but cheap, much more simple, and worth trying for at least testing purposes. Note that all oil-based lubes are likely to degrade most types of condoms; if that is an issue, then test with water-based lube, such as J-Lube (a lube used by veterinarians for doing exams large animals); it is a powder that you mix with water, thus has to be prepared in advance – it is not as complicated as you may read on the Internet; I can provide more info if necessary. I can also provide a U.S. source if that will help anybody. The maker of J-Lube does NOT sell it for human/sexual use; they don’t want to have to jump through those hoops.
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If you are using condoms, there could be sensitivities to both the condom material itself and/or the chemicals on the condom. This is a BIG problem for some people. They may be harder to find, but you can find condoms made of materials with fewer sensitivity problems and without any chemicals intentionally on them.
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If anal toys are also being used in connection with your joint anal sex activity, there is the possibility that the chemicals of which the toys are made could be a problem. Personally, I have a very intense and painful reaction to certain PVC (plastic) sex toys; not all of them, but mostly ones that are colored black – I think there is something about chemicals used for the color additive. Some peoples’ reaction could be more moderate than mine. In general, I believe that all PVC sex toys should be avoided – they constantly “gas off”, and you are breathing nasty chemicals – some of those chemicals will actually MELT other sex toys they are stored with. Alternatives include high-quality silicone, stainless steel, and glass. I am a fan of silicone; others in this forum have experience with stainless steel and glass.
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There is also the possibility that the sexual activity is too rough for her (at least at this frequency) and/or not enough lube is being used. Infrequent anal activity probably usually requires more lube and being more gentle.
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Lastly, if you are NOT using a condom, it is possible for some people to be sensitive to their male partner’s secretions (both pre-cum and cum). My wife’s vagina (but not ass!!) has that sensitivity with me. The way to test for that is to try using a condom (without any pre-applied chemicals on it), but you have to at the same time be aware of potential condom sensitivities described above.
Again, everybody is different. (I am a man who enjoys anal penetration solo with toys or by my wife using toys or her hands. I am at the extreme end of the spectrum in terms of size capability, due to over 40 years of toys and fisting penetration.) My experience is that the more often I am penetrated, the easier it is and the less potential for later discomfort. 2-4 times per week would have no later discomfort at all. However, if I were to take 3-4 weeks off (with no penetration) such as you two seems to do, I believe that I would have more after-penetration discomfort. In prior decades when I had to travel more for work, etc., and penetration was not as frequent, restarting each time would require more patience and adjustment. Everything is easier with regular practice.
If you have any specific questions, I would be happy to try to answer. “Answers are free. However, correct answers cost more.”
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