Anal at a Distance

Advice
1

As a bunch of you know, my partner and I are long distance rn while I’m still in school. We FaceTime a lot. When things get spicy,
it’s pretty much just us touching ourselves at the same time, which is totally fine but…i’m kinda bored of it??

I was wondering if you guys had any ideas for anal stuff we could do on video? Things you’ve tried or would like to try?

I’m the worst at sexy talk, I get awkward and giggle or say something super cringe. But I really want to get better at it so I’m taking any ideas!

2

My advice? Be honest. It can be hard the first time, but just saying what really gets YOU going will liberate you and once you get over that hurdle it will flow easily.
I’ve been through the long distance thing so I know of whence you speak :slight_smile:

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3

Thanks, this is good advice! It would probably be easier to follow if I felt like I knew what I wanted. :woman_facepalming: I know I want to be more comfortable saying dirty things. I guess that just takes practice? But it’s nice knowing other people struggle with distance too.

4

A long-distance relationship is, of course, always a challenge. I think that to make it feel more intense, you should only do things that come naturally to you and that make you feel comfortable. If dirty talk isn’t your thing, why not tell him instead, in a gentle and erotic way, the things you’d like to do with him? Use your imagination and follow your instincts—then it’ll be much more exciting even without the dirty talk.

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5

lol, that almost sounds more embarrassing than dirty talk! My partner and I have really good communication, but I do have some fantasies that I’m pretty embarrassed about. I’m worried if I try to tell him some of the things I’ve thought about, he’ll think I’m a freak or something. Hence the giggles, I can always say, “oh I was just kidding!” But maybe I just need to put on my big girl pants and start mentioning some more of my fantasies.

6

Men really enjoy feedback during sex. The feedback lets me know she’s enjoying the experience, the harder she cums, the more powerful my orgasm and ejaculation will be.

My wife doesn’t want to force the dirty talk. In fact, there’s less verbal feedback than in the beginning of our AO life. As she was getting used to the feeling and anal orgasms, she’d blurt out “don’t stop” or “keep going”.

Do what feels best and most natural to you. I guarantee he knows you’re enjoying the experience. Eye contact during anal is also very erotic.

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7

Dirty talk might not be the right word. One of the things the distance relationship is making me realize is that it’s not just the feeling of taking something up my butt that I like… I like that it’s him doing the fucking. But it’s harder to get that feeling when I’m using a thrusting dildo and pretending it’s him, even when we can see each other on screen. I thought maybe there would be some games, or things I could ask him to say to me (or I could say to him) that would help me get into that “I’m your docile kitten you’re holding by the scruff of the neck” headspace that makes irl anal so hot.

8

I had a really hard time putting into words what I wanted. I think you have to give yourself time, too. What can help—especially in your long-distance relationship—is to imagine what you’d like him to do to you, to really picture it clearly.

Have you ever tried telling him via text message? It might be easier at first.

Using GIFs to express what you’d like is even simpler, I find. And it can really spark a conversation about it.

I know how hard it is as a woman to express your desires, especially in a romantic relationship. And even more so at the beginning of your sex life. One important thing is that we should never be ashamed of what we like (as long as it’s legal, of course!).

There’s nothing wrong with liking anal sex and having desires about it. And I don’t think he’ll judge you for it. And if he really does, you’ve got nothing to lose.

Maybe he also doesn’t dare tell you everything he wants—it often works both ways, lol.

As for games, it’s tricky because I know it depends on your deepest desires. From my experience, anything related to anal training might be best. Not only does it add to the pleasure and progress, but it also prepares you for when you’re together again.

Like a gift of love. Even if he’s not physically there, it brings you closer to him because he’ll enjoy it IRL. It won’t necessarily fill the void, but it can make things more intimate and sentimental

9

I’ve never done sex through videophone. But…

We have a friterie downstairs and we live upstairs. On occasions I was still working and she was upstairs taking a bath and prepairing for ass to mouth sex later. Suddenly I get a message with a video. It’s her in bed, fucking her own asshole with her dildo. She was so horny she couldn’t wait to have her ass fucked. No words, she didn’t speak. I just heard her moan while the whole dildo went in her asshole.

It was one of the most mindblowing thing she ever did.

Later there was another video. She used the suction of the dildo to put in on the toiletseat and let it slide into her asshole while she was naked. Seeing her anally riding that dildo, and her moans of pleasure, blew my mind again.

I strongly believe this beats doing live sex on camera. Cause when she send it, I knew she already did it. I knew her asshole was already well used, even before I could shove my cock up her spincter.

I still love watching those video’s.

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10

My thoughts about communicating fantasies…

There are better and worse times and methods. My opinion is that in-person conversation is always the best for things like this because it is so darn easy for the other person to misunderstand, etc., when done in writing / text / phone, etc. When not in-person, neither of you have the benefit of seeing the others’ body language, minor changes in facial expression, etc.

Another thing that I usually suggest is that – if the subject is something you are nervous about – don’t bring it up suddenly when something else is going on / being discussed. Instead I find it works well to tell the other person something like this …

“There is something, a fantasy, that I would like to share with you, but I am nervous about mentioning it because I don’t know how you will react. Please understand that this is a fantasy that perhaps someday we could explore, but I don’t want you to immediately think that it is a “requirement” for my happiness. Actually because it is a fantasy that occasionally pops into my head, I don’t even know for sure how I would feel about it if we were to explore doing it. This is a little bit awkward for me to talk about, so I hope you will hear me out and then we can talk about it further now or later, whichever is best for you. On one hand, I don’t want to make a “big deal” out of it, but at the same time, I believe that you would want me to be comfortable sharing such thoughts with you – I just don’t have a lot of experience talking about these things. Is this a good time for me to tell you about my fantasy?”

A “script” so extensive may seem like overkill, but it does several things to “prepare the ground” and “puts your lover’s mind in the appropriate head space to listen lovingly” instead of the quick off-the-cuff reactions that many people (men and women) have in reaction to subjects that they were not expecting. The last sentence is important – by asking the other person if this is a good time, it gives the other person the opportunity to “buy in” and to “clear their mind” and to “prepare themselves to listen” – or to reply to you with “Actually this is not the best time for me but how about later this evening?”

Your mileage may vary.

I would add one other thing… While we are still in the early-ish stages of a relationship and still learning about each other (even though already very intimate as in your situation), that is the time to find out if our friend/partner will think you are a freak (your words) because of your fantasy. Just imagine how uncomfortable it would be if you did not find out until several years into a relationship that a friend/partner is going freak out about something you want to tell them.

Of course, people do grow, change, and evolve, so we can’t always know today what we will want to talk about with our partner several years later. My wife has several times said to me “If I only had known what a pervert [her word, not mine, but meant in a nice way, I think] you are, back when we first met…” She never finishes that sentence, and I know not to push the the subject! But I have changed and evolved a lot (in both good ways and in “perverted” ways) over the several decades since we met.

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11

Indeed, it is really easy to just say about anything through text/online because you are not in the same space with that person. You can think about your answer, you can use words that otherwise sound weird (at least to one self) when spoken and words are just flat: they don’t contain any more information outside from the meaning of the sentences. It is in-person when the thing becomes more intense, because now you are seeing them, feeling their presence and now expressions and body language matter (which carries even more information about the responses and how comfortable you feel saying them). It also has more weight to it because you have to say it in the moment, spontaneus, and you have no second chaces to change your words, so you have to think about all the possibilities.

I myself, I feel more comfortable talking through text because I can say all sorts of garbage and I actually become way more expressive, but in-person I tend to be more reserved/not talk at all. This may change if I become more open and assertive. Sometimes you don’t have the chance to be face-to-face with that person, but in those times when we do have, we should appreciate them to discuss those matters that we care the most.

No, I have never done sexting nor that kind of activities, but I often find it easier to talk about these topics online. I have only discussed it in-person a few times and it still feels weird to talk with that vocabulary.

12

About being the “protector”… I believe that I understand what has been said and the context in which it is meant. I feel the same way fairly often. For example, my wife and I accompany each other to our respective medical appointments – it helps tremendously in getting the doctor’s full attention and in many other ways. (I even try to dress up a bit and put my “serious face” on.)

I know that this is off-topic [the mods are quite welcome to move this if it is not appropriate here], but the mentions of “protector” brought out strong feelings for me.

I have seen relationships in which the “protector” role went too far and actually eventually caused a lot of damage. The man (usually it is a man in the “protector” role) often (but not always) does have the best of intent. But if there is too much “protecting”, we are denying the woman the opportunity to learn, grow, and develop knowledge, skills, experience, confidence, etc.

This happens A LOT in regard to financial matters in a relationship. I cannot even count the number of times I have been aware of the woman being absolutely “destroyed” when their husband dies – often the natural grief is made many times worse because the woman has been “protected from having to deal with” family financial knowledge (both good and bad). I even witnessed this happen to my own mother. At that time, in some areas of her life, she was a very competent and tough professional person who could do and did do a lot of physical stuff that many men her age (then) could not do. However, when her husband (my step-father) died suddenly and unexpectedly, she was starting at ground zero in the financial knowledge department. She had almos no knowledge of the family finances, etc., etc., etc. She had to learn everything from the beginning – and I had to make very sure that she did not make bad choices or get scammed, etc., etc. I actually knew – and had known for decades – tremendously more about HER finances than she did.

IMHO, the best “protection” that a “protector” can offer is a) to be on guard and vigilant for bad situations, etc, but b) encourage, mentor, and support (assuming I am qualified to do so about whatever the subject matter is) my partner to develop their own skills and knowledge independent of me. I don’t plan on dropping dead any time soon, but s*** happens.

My hope and goal is that if something bad happens TO ME and I am still alive, but not able to care for myself, that my wife will be the “guard dog” and “enforcer” and super-competent, super-tough person who will be able to make sure that I will receive the best care that is possible for whatever my condition is – as I would do for her if the roles were reversed.

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13

This - although very true - isn’t as simple to solve as it seems.

My wife expresses she would always choose a carefree life, with me taking care of everything, above all else.

It ‘s me telling her she needs to know basics in case I’m not around for whatever reasons. Some things she’s reluctant to even think about :man_shrugging:t2:

14

I’ve done the toilet seat move on my own, but never for my partner. Maybe I’ll try it with him next time! I like what you say about videos but…. I’m scared to send videos. I’m worried they could end up on a website somewhere (it’s happened to a friend of mine). It’s nice that your wife trusts you in that way, though!

15

This is helpful advice, thank you! I’m such a nervous-nelly, coming in with a script is probably the best for me, I’ll use this one as a starting point to make my own.

16

I totally hear what you’re saying. Sometimes when I’m with my partner, I start thinking to myself, “This is the perfect time to ask him to try that thing on you.” And I start getting really excited and nervous. Even if I chicken out and never ask him, though, coming so close to saying something vulnerable is exciting and makes things more enjoyable. It feels… dangerous almost, and that makes things sexier. At least, that’s how it feels sometimes.

17

You do realize he can screen video you when you’re doing video sex stuff ?

18

Hmm… I had not thought about that. Well… new anxiety unlocked.

Damn.